Not what I would have expected

Can you tell that I need to go to bed?

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7.2
Mind:	6.5
Body:	8.6
Spirit:	4.8
Friends/Family:	6.2
Love:	7.3
Finance:	6.8
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renewed addictions

My day has been shamefully spent. Well, mostly. I was up and out of bed by 8, to make the most of my day. And people, it was raining. You know how hard it is to get moving when it is raining. So, I called Julie F, and we arranged to have coffee at her house at 11. Yay! I forced myself to do a load of laundry first. Then I somehow got sucked into knitty.com. It is incredible, and made me want to ecaspe to a cold desert island to knit ALL THE TIME. So I searched for patterns to knit the lovely yarn I bought in Savannah. C said not to buy any more yarn until I produce something. Anything. He has a fair point, I hate to admit.

**The thing that drives Craig the craziest is that I knit something, maybe for hours, maybe for days, and then unravel it. I usually drop a stitch, and since I don't know how to fix it, it is just quicker and easier for me to unravel it and start over. For me, knitting is SO much more about the process rather than the product. However, that gives me no good reason to purchase all of the beautiful yarn I feel compelled to bring home with me, so I really have to try and discipline myself to finish projects, even if it is just an effing scarf. But I get so bored with just an effing scarf. (Would I prefer a gee-ing scarf instead? an ay-ching scarf? Please ignore that. I am completely retarded, and should be in bed sleeping. It is still raining. Delicious.)

I ended up not doing anything productive, had a really bad hair day because I chose not to do my hair carefully, and made it to Julie's house on time. (Good job! I am working on my punctuality, and feel the ridiculous need to praise myself for something that most people my age have had mastered for years.) I had a wonderful time with her. I realized that

1) Julie is a kindred spirit, and they are very, very rare in this world.

2) fate is a strange and funny thing.

3) I really really like hawaiian pizza from dominos. Craig was right. Damn!

4) I have an enduring love affair with fiber. Be it woven, mashed into pulp and flattened, or spun, I am a sucker for fiber and what you can do with it.

5) There are artists lurking within us, but my inner artist needs balance. I don't thrive in a space where I can do anything, branch out into any kind of creativity. I need my time to be structured, I need left brain activity to provide a counterpoint to my right brained creativity. I need boundaries to grow, or I am easily overwhemed by possibility.

Not bad for a thursday!

*Note- I am going to do my best to restructure some aspects of my blog, plus try to figure out spell check.

why

am I craving bacon, buttered toast, fried eggs, and chocolate???

all at the same time????

interview

Hooray! Virginia finally posted, but alerted me to the fact that I have not previously allowed anonymous posts on this blog. I have figured out how to change that, so post way, my loyal readers! (I am sure that now my blog will be submerged with posting from my very loyal constituency of five, or two, or whatever.)

Okay, so here is how my interview went.

I left my house an HOUR early. I live 7 miles away. I unwittingly drove through a construction zone on my way over ( 10 miles an hour), then found parking without difficulty, thanks to my father's glorious parking permit. I walked over to McCarty D, getting strange looks all the way- I guess I didn't wear heels and hose too much as a student myself. (Or maybe I had a giant piece of toilet paper stuck to my shoe that I didn't notice. Or maybe... whatever. It is over now.) I then became lost, because I couldn't find what I was looking for- an ivy covered wall. I called charlotte to get directions, and she had to send someone down to rescue me.

that wasn't great.

The interview went rather smoothly, once we stopped talking about quilting and started talking about the job. However, I had an incredibly difficult time keeping a straight face. It could have been a scene from "The Office", with a talking head. I don't think that it was because Charlotte was ridiculous, or over the top, or anything like that. It's just that "The Office" does such a great job satirizing actual work situations- I probably seemed like David during interviews, or during firings, when I worked at the shop. I am really eager to be a part of it. There is something nice about a cozy little office , where you go in, do work, and come home. I would love being able to complain about work, look forward to Fridays, have more structure in my life. I would love a paycheck. God, would I love a paycheck. Holy Jesus, I would LOVE a paycheck.

2 more interviews to go.

So what's going to happen with juniper jane? I think that I will keep it up. If I have to , I will send work out, which in some ways is totally ridiculous. Or I'll see what I can squeeze in at night. But there is also something appealing about the idea of sewing for myself, working on projects for pleasure. I have great plans for a fantastic coat. All I need now are the materials and some time. Maybe I could get it done for the first day of work....fingers crossed... or at least I'll wear it to sub.

Time to clean the kitchen, and call Henry an wish him a happy birthday.

two windows

I have had an insane 48 hours. insane. I have been wandering this earth, self/unemployed for six months. nothing great has happened. every cent, and then some, of what juniper jane has brought in has gone right back into my lovely, adorable, moderately popular but bank account draining business. my husband has been patient, I have designed really cute things for babies we don't have. THEN:

I apply to be a substitute teacher in alachua county. my references do not all arrive at their destinations, so I have to wait and send out more applications.

I sign up for a class, and do not complete my first assignment by the self-imposed deadline. bad beginnings.

I wake up thoroughly depressed. So depressed I actually call my husband at work to complain. I wear my ugliest clothing, but at least I shower.

i do the first half of my homework.

Craig comes home to cook me soup for lunch, and hands me a letter. it is the alachua county school board, telling me to come in for sub orientation. hooray! thank you, references!!!!

I am eating soup, reading the letter over and over, when the phone rings. It is the principal of an elementary school where my two best teacher friends- the julies- are teaching fourth grade together. she offers me a long term sub job on the spot to teach 4th grade with the julies. i love how putnam county sems to have unlimited, sight-unseen-someone said good things about you- faith in me.

i am floored.

i go to the school, start planning lessons on the way home, and then sit down, do some math, and realize that i can't afford to teach 4th grade for $9.67 an hour, in another county that is 35 minutes away.

i am sad.

i think and think and think, then resign myself to it.

i go to bed, then get up early and go to Mary's classroom to help out. WHAT FUN! i see how great it could be, to teach elementary school. the kids are ten thousand times sweeter, and they really care what you say and think. they want to be good.

i come home, take an deep breath, and then turn down the position at melrose. i promptly freak out. WHY DID I TURN DOWN A JOB????????

i eat lunch, then go to get fingerprinted. the machine is down. i promise to come back after orientation on monday, then do a good deed and go to the social security office to get my named changed.

i guess it was time.

i wait. i wait. i wait.

the phone rings. it is one of my former quilting students- does she want a private lesson?

no- she wants to interview me for a job i applied for months ago!!!!!! at uf!!!!!!! making twice as much as subbing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

am i interested?

yes, please.

i have an interview tuesday, and even if that doesn't work out, i will start subbing.

meaghan is moving into the world of the wage earners.

junie the healing dog

Yesterday, Lucy was spayed. I HATE taking animals in for surgery- thank goodness this is a onetime deal. When Junie was spayed, she just looked really pathetic from the

anesthesia, and she slept LOTS. Not Lucy. She was pissed because she didn't get breakfast, and she literally whined and moaned for hours last night. I don't blame her, but she was breaking my heart. To make things worse, she was licking at the incision, so we had to put a tube sock around her middle so it was inaccessible.

Of course, she was then teased for being a slut in a tube top. We are sooo mean.

Now, there has always been talk of how Junie is a healing dog, because someone told me a story about a Chihuahua who removed splinters from her owner's fingers. So when Dad had knee surgery and Junie lay on his knee, we all thought it was hilarious. When she cuddled on my tummy after the miscarriage, I was touched. However, we now have definitive proof: I was going to make a phone call this morning, and I thought I should check on Lucy to see how she was doing. This is what I found:

Are my girls not the most adorable creatures in the world? I can't believe them. (I also know what a dork I am to be publishing pictures of my pets online, but they are my babies right now and I'm not ashamed!) From this evidence, I can only assume that

a) Junie is truly a healing dog

and

b) she really isn't super traumatized by Lucy's entrance into our family. I think they may secretly even love each other.

yum

lunch today:

toasted baguette (from 3 days ago- doesn't sound good, but baguettes are better when they are super crusty)
spread with rondele cheese
topped with roasted chicken

hot damn, leftovers aren't the devil after all!

Savannah

A few weeks ago, we had an absolutely glorious weekend in Savannah. Ryan's apartment is lovely, and the historic distric is beautiful beyond words. I was overwhelmed by how much it reminded of Florence, and somehow it hinted that I could live a different kind of life. One where I walked my dog, and sat in parks, and created beautiful things, while living in a historic home that was covered with ivy.
Sometimes it doesn't seem fair that we only have one life, just one shot. There are so many things that I want to do, and yet they aren't compatible at all. I want children and lots of pets and a quilting room and a yard and barbeques and family close by. I also want to live in an area where you can walk to everything, getting skinny while eating incredible food. I want an office job, where you put on heels and go to work for 8 hours and then leave it there and come home. I want to be a designer, I want to be a libriarian, I want to be a reading coach, I want to be a bed tester. It's like there are five different people living inside me, and they are fighting to escape and show themselves. Maybe none of those things will make me happy. Maybe I am just restless. Who knows? Why is it that other people seem to have it together? Do they, or does it just look that way from the outside?

On another note: what I ate-
Pasta Lorraine (with chicken added) at Firefly Cafe
fettucini
goat cheese
caramelized red onions
(pan) fried leeks
roasted red pepper
portabella mushrooms


Pork Plate at Sweet Leaf
pulled pork
deviled eggs
corn pudding
mac n cheese

Thank god... October is over

I truly understand why November 1st is All Saint's Day. October has been the month from hell. I feel like I haven't stopped to recover my breath once since September. There has been the stress of Halloween costumes, guests and hurricanes galore, traveling, pms, teaching, resigning, job hunting.... and I truly believe that The Holiday Season is going to be easier. Ask me if I agree in January.

There is no juicy gossip to report from my life, but I promise to take some time to post sometime before this week is up. Bear with me, my friends.

math

plus

i am finished with rapunzel and power ranger- finally! (and only because my mom helped me with power ranger- she is so talented. she just sits there and practically completes a jumpsuit while i thread my serger. i sew soooooooooooo slowly sometimes. but then again, i am learning new patterns, so i do have a learning curve. i've got time to catch up).

i have a website, and lots of people are looking at my work. wow. the internet is one powerful ... thing.

i don't have any cavities

craig just made some yummy iced tea

we should have a rainy day for yellow brick road class tomorrow, but not a hurricane (yet)

junie is housebroken (???)

lucy now climbs out of trees, as well as up them

minus

working with pleather is like trying to do origami with saran wrap

i have to have all four wisdom teeth removed

i have to get braces (at 25!?!?)

i am breaking out horribly- aha! maybe instead of thirteen going on thirty, i am almost thirty going on thirteen

i haven't gotten a single call regarding my job applications. these are jobs as receptionists. not rocket scientists. you'd think that all the time i've spent on the phone in my entire life should count for something.


all in all, it looks like maybe my life is more plus than minus. i'm not complaining!

juniper jane style

I am so pleased to announce that I have an actual website for my products!!!!!!!! Yippeee!!!! Actually, it's just a blog.... but at least my stuff is out there to be seen.

Let me know what you think!

www.juniperjanestyle.blogspot.com

I have also started getting an insane amount of spam, even the first half hour I was on-line. wow. do I smell that naive?????

In other news, I am in halloween costumes up to my ears. Thank god November first is right around the corner.

I have a dentist appointment tomorrow, so I'm about to go eat a s'more before bed. (I'm not kidding...)

grey day

For the past couple days, Gainesville has not seen sunshine. It's a soft cool grey outside, and I like it. It almost matches my mood- but maybe my mood is more hurricane and overcast. I am frustrated by teaching, depressed about being home alone all day, and REALLY tempted by the thought of a salaried job. I know that teaching is salaried, but it just doesn't seem worth it. Am I a job snob? (Absolutely). However, I don't think that having high standards is a problem. I have never been good at settling, and if I am going to spend 40+ hours a week doing something, shouldn't it be something worthwhile, something you can be passionate about? Kim Dunkle says good luck. Maybe I'll try to get passionate about answer phones or filing.

I am up to my ears in Halloween costumes- rapunzel, power ranger, lion, skunk. Maybe Captain Hook and Peter Pan too. It is satisfying to do costumes. There is no perfection involved, and there is a definite finished product.

I have discovered ebay, and the fact that you can order fabric on it. Wow. What a great country, right? (let's ignore the fact that I am currently bidding on no longer printed fabric for 12+ a yard, that retailed originally for 8.50. supply and demand at work.)

I was thinking about trying to find some chocolate, but I don't think that there is any chocolate strong enough for my mood.

currently reading: Charlotte, by Julia Barrett (recreation of an old Austen manuscript- supposedly)

Back to the Bedroom, by Janet Evanovich (crappppp romance, on cd. the plot is sooooooooo predictable, and I'm only on -CRAP. Craig turned my cd player off. now I've got to find my place. At least it's so painfuly banal that I can read a pattern while listening to it. Ha! "It had nothing to do with the fact that her complexion was flawless". )

Update Installment 1

July, 2003

I married Craig and we had a lovely and very large wedding. It was the wedding my mother had always dreamed of. (I can't even dream that big). Even though we had a fantastic time, I was completely overwhelmed. Not in a bad way, but in a "I didn't know that we knew so many people and they are all watching us" kind of way. I have to admit, the very best parts were the actual ceremony (like the "as long as we both shall live" part), and the few moments I could steal alone with Craig. However, I have to send a HUGE "Thank you, you are the best, most wonderful people" hug to everyone who helped, drove in from out of state, flew in from foreign countries, planned, arranged, wore awful dresses, had their hair mangled and put up with me (at my worst). I never knew how well loved we were until we got married. Thank you. I can never say it enough.

I do not understand how people get married twice. One wedding was lovely, and more than enough for me.

Craig and I moved into a little townhouse near the university. We paid a very low rent while he finished school and I continued to teach at Interlachen High School. We (and Kim, Virginia, Henry????) painted khaki, pink and magenta stripes on the dining room wall. (Actually, I just chose the colors.) I painted solid walls and later was chastised for for my sloppy work. Craig will never let me paint again. (Who won THAT one??????) The entry way was painted magenta. I loved it, but Craig never brought people over for the first 4 months that we lived together. (I tried to bake cookies for him everytime he did bring someone over, to show that there are compensations for being married to a crazy decorator).

We finally got a little dog... well, we got Junie. She is a chihuahua, so she is neither dog nor cat. She is a pet. I didn't want a dog (read: hair, slobber, tail that knocks things over), and I really wanted a puppy. Chihuahuas are actually perpetually puppies- or at least they look that way. Because it wasn't a good idea to have a baby 5 months into marriage, we got a pet instead and she has been babied and spoiled- but not by me alone!!!!!! (ask ANYONE.) I know we'll regret this, but in her defense, she doesn't bite or act aggressively, like some chihuahuas. She's just a barking spaz ball, but we can't have everything in life.

Craig graduated with his mechanical engineering job in April, and was hired the day he walked by Terra- Com, and environmental engineering company run by Mormons. For the sake of being PC, I won't say anything else. I left Interlachen to work as the manager of My Favorite Quilt Shop, a job I literally walked into. It was my dream job, and I was VERY happy. I liked Interlachen, I liked teaching reading, but I didn't like the paperwork involved and I couldn't stand the drive.

We started loking for a house just before Craig graduated, and fate brought us to a little house in a nice neighborhood that my boss's friend was selling. I was shocked when he accepted our offer. Plus, we got to choose the paint color, so I picked minty-light green with white trim and a hot pink front door. (My neighbors hated me before we moved in!) I have recently dubbed our home "Flamingo Cottage". Plastic yard flamingos are on my Christmas list. I'm not kidding.

Okay- I have given in to my husband's dream date idea, and am headed off to Hungry Howie's All You Can Eat Pizza Buffet. I can't believe I just admitted that.

I deserve my reputation

If you're reading this, you are someone who knows that technology and I are not the best of friends. Okay, let me rephrase that- returning messages/checking messages/remembering my password/remembering my email address - I am not known for any of these things. However, I have turned over a new leaf, and am doing my best to be a responsible correspondant. This blog is intended to keep me current, keep me using the world wide web, remind me to check my email, etc. etc. etc. It's also here so if I fall off the wagon, at least you'll
a.) be able to see what current drama I have embroiled myself in/created
b.) be able to spy on me without me even knowing it, thus keeping up to date with me and still punishing me by not letting me know you care...
(But you don't really want to punish me, do you? Post me a comment and guilt me into sending you a nice fat personal email.)

Truly, people, let's be honest here. We are all very busy individuals. I make negative $5 an hour, and I still manage to be very busy. You all have jobs, go to school, and lead full and varied social lives. Do you have time to write out the details of your weekend to every friend you have? Of course not! No one does. So here's my proposal- if you want to know all the details of my day to day dramas, read this blog. That way, I don't feel like I have pressured you to read pages of hyperbole, and you can read at your leisure. You can always ask ask for the really juicy details if you want more. There is also no pressure to write me back a nice long email, because you might be to busy at the moment. I lose touch with a lot of people, and it makes me sad. I miss you all, and I think about you more than you know. If you had blogs and sent me the address, I would read them every day. (Hey- there's an idea...) Anyway, the point is that there can be weirdness if I email you , and you email me, and then I forget to email you back... for 3 months.... then I feel weird about emailing you, and it just compounds into this huge weird ...thing. And I am tired of that. So here it is- I am here, in the vagueness that is cyberspace. If I have lost touch with you, post a response, or email me a short message, and I will write you a big juicy email back. It is no pressure!!!! The one thing you learn about living in Gainesville is that everybody moves away. So let's stay in touch, and please pretty please allow me to redeem myself. I am worth it! (I hope!)