Monday, April 10, 2006

thick air

Craig's grandmother is sick. Very sick. When I came home from GFSS Tampa on Sunday, he told me that they found cancer in her lung, and in her liver. She had a double masectomy when we were freshmen in college, but now I learn that the cancer has come back- in her breasts, in her bones, in her brain.

I am frustrated and feeling lost, becuase I do not know how to help my husband deal with the grief that he doesn't even know he is going to feel. How is Rebel going to deal with this? How is Robert going to survive without Carolyn? There is talk of treatment, but I honestly can't see how chemotheraphy and the accompanying discomfort and pain would be worth a few extra months. That may be heartless, but if I learned anything from my grandfather's illness, it is that we have to let people go- you can not live forever, nor would you want to.

Roy is not doing well either, and the thick pain that is hanging over the Gulledge family like a cloud is suffocating. I feel like the sky is about to open up on us all, and I can see the storm coming, I feel it raise the hairs on the back of my neck, but I am helpless to prevent it, and helpless to protect the family I have grown to love as an extension of my own.

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