The Drama Queen Tells All

Ouch

2010-11-10T23:44:00.002-05:00

What? Last post MAY 18? You must be wrong, blogger. Very wrong.

OR maybe this correlates to Bridget becoming mobile full-time. That makes more sense.

Here's what I've been up to:

- little M (Owen's best friend, three months older) now comes to our house full-time. Truly a blessing, as (most of the time) her presence brings a layer of sanity to our house and keeps Owen busy. And then there are other days... like when I have to keep two three years olds separated because Owen gets CRAZY like Mussolini and won't let her leave his presence, even to pee. Or go home. Seriously- he CAN NOT keep trapping girls in his room. Sounds like a joke, but isn't.
-Bridget= Viking. There is no stopping her. She is also talking more everyday, but I am not sure if she is talking as much as Owen was at this point. She loves to eat soup from a spoon.
- Pink eye. Ouch.
- My steps towards dirty-hippie destiny are getting concerning for those who love me. Examples? Cloth diapers, mama cloth, reusable kleenex, all natural cleaners, soaking whole grains, localvore, non homogenized milk, goat milk, homemade herbal tea, homesteading, homeopathy, westin a price... i am loving all of it.
- trying to knit as therapy- works when I make a conscious effort to do it. Finished my first sweater (for myself). Loved it. Took it on vacay with Kim- LEFT IT AT HOTEL. Stolen by housekeeping staff, whom I tipped, but also forgot about brussel sprouts in mini-fridge. Oops. Sweater has been mourned, but another is in the works.
-Mom gave me a food processor- I am a chopping fool. Makes whole food cooking go A LOT faster.
-garden- going strong, we currently have eggplants, broccoli, herbs (over 30 different kinds!) onions, lettuce, etc.
-considering acquiring goats for milk, but I am getting mixed reviews on the space requirements.
-planning an addition to the house, so that I can live in Flamingo Cottage FOREVER. Keeping fingers crossed for financing!
-refashioning adult clothes for Bridget. Mimsie's goodwill pile is my new treasure. Pictures to follow.

I have been so busy making it through each day, but I realize that we all are. No excuses, no apologies. I am grateful for the health and happiness of my family, grateful for the choices we make which give us our full and happy life.

Nice to be back, blogger.

Tuesday, 9:45 am

2010-05-18T09:48:00.000-04:00

Owen and Bridget are holding a rave in my kitchen. Bridget has moved all the chairs into the kitchen, enabling to Owen reach the cd player. He has (naturally) cranked up The Eagles of Death Metal, and is flicking the light switch on and off while Bridget bounces on one knee and one foot, maniacally pumping her arms up and down and cackling.

Abrubt change. Owen shuts off the cd player and asks "Do you have Abba in here?"

{this moment}

2010-04-30T11:05:00.004-04:00

Inspired by soulemama

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

Wishing you a lovely weekend!

*** *** ***

persuasion

2010-04-30T10:12:00.003-04:00

As a reward to myself for good behavior, I let myself fold laundry while watching the 2007 BBC production of Jane Austen's Persuasion. When I was a mere 24, Marybeth told me it was Austen's best work. I vehemently denied it, but as I have approached, and passed, Anne Elliot's kiss-of-death age of 27, I appreciate this novel with increasing respect.

There is something so appreciable (is that a word?) about Anne's triumph over the flighty and flirty Louisa Musgrove. In a modern adaptation of Persuasion, I would cast The Musgrove girls as sorority girls with implants and iphones, with lots of texting going on at all times. My experience with sorority girls has been that they are (surprisingly) conversant one on one, but the herd mentality takes over quickly, and they are unbearable in a group. Thus I imagine Louisa, slightly tipsy in a tight t-shirt, tripping on her flip-flop as she catapults off the treacherous sea walk at Lyme. Love it. I may be onto something....

Ahem. The movie.

Let me freely admit that though I love Austen, 18th and 19th century women's literature , and BBC adaptions of "classics" (or any adaptaions, for that matter), I can NEVER tell when watching an adaptation whether or not I have seen it before. It must be like watching movies when you have alzheimer's. Are there only 4 manor houses and 7 costumes available in England? Why do they all look exactly the same???????? So while watching this, I was mostly positive that I had never seen it before. But he end I was pretty sure, but it is always touch and go.

Anne Elliot looked horrendous. Greasy hair, clothes that don't fit, pasty skin, she hardly looked alive, much less like a heroine. I know she is supposed to be old- practically dead and shrivelded up from her virgininty, but she it is certainly overkill to make her look like she has tuberculosis. Plus, all the running? really? Completely undidginified. Also, frankly, she looked unloveable. If I were Capt. Wentworth, I would have married the sorority girl. At least she smiled. Anne spent most of her time with her mouth either hanging open or pressed intoa tight-Charlotte-Bartlett smile.

Capt. Wentworth? Gorgeous. So beautiful, he won me over as the film went on.

The movie did not strictly follow the plot of the novel, and that is a pity. Where Austen's plot was delicate, and the climax was intricate and involved and everything was wrapped up nicely, the movie, quite literally, rushed right through the climax. Anne was running around Bath, which is a choice that I understand, but do not respect.

Too tired for more- film criticism is not my forte.

This year's garden

2010-04-21T00:44:00.005-04:00

Tomatoes: Polish Linguisa, Cherokee Purple, Black Prince, Valencia, Striped Cavern, Red Cherry, Rose, Waspinican, Brandywine Red (2), Amish Paste, Tommy Toe, Brandywine (6), and 6 plants we grew on our windowsill, which I am pretty sure are from tomatoes Craig's grandparents gave us when we visited them in NC after Owen was born. Also one rogue tomato that popped up from last year's fallen seeds, but that plant is going to live at the Lemstrom's house.
Eggplants (still on the window sill in seedling phase): Rossa Bianca, Applegreen, and Pintung Long (30 total)
Cucumbers: 2 Sweeter Yet, 3 Suyo Long, 2 A&C Double Yield
2 Black Beauty Zucchini
1 congo watermelon
1 Kabocha Squash
3 Beans (Yard Long Red Noodle)
1 cardoon
1 sunchoke
3 rows of corn
2 rows of bull's blood beets
Peppers: 1 datil, 1 lilac bell, 1 jalapeno, 1 sweet bell, 1 sweet cherry red

2 kiwi vines
2 blackberry plants
1 elderberry

We are trying to be committed to heirloom veggies this year, and have so far done a decent job. Starting from seeds was a new and overwhelming experience, so we gave it two tries this year. some seeds got plopped in the garden just two days ago. All of our tomatoes are heirloom, but I still need a few more plants (maybe just one) because I got seduced by the tiny little 6 pack of baby seedling and did not get any yellow tomatoes. I am going to have to get at least one and put it in a pot, as I became addicted last year. Also, a few more peppers to round it all out. Plus some strawberries for my border, which I am willing to go conventional on this year, as heirloom will not be possible to purchase in these city limits. Plus, I still need to get going on my herbs.

**addendum: I planted 1 heirloom yellow pear tomato plant, and 5 strawberry plants. 1 meyer lemon tree and one key lime tree, 10 strawberry roots, 5 shallots and 5 onions are ready to go into the ground tomorrow, if the weather and the baby cooperate. Also, did I mention the 30 eggplants growing on our kitchen window sill in tiny pots?

I think I am addicted. Also, in way over my head.

roots

2010-04-20T13:18:00.004-04:00

5 Confederate Jasmine (two given to Craig for Valentine's Day 2006, 3 purchased to landscape yard for Owen's 1st birthday party)
1 pink hydrangea (purchased at USF garden sale during GFSS, Sept 2006)
1 camellia bush (rec'd from Craig for Valentine's day 2005)
1 rose bush (gift from my parents on my first Mother's Day, 2008)
5 blueberry bushes (Christmas 2009)
3 ligustrum (Christmas 2009)
5 fig trees (Christmas 2009)
6 Oak leaf hydrangeas (Christmas 2009, plus one giant one transplanted from my mother's house)
5 Crape Myrtles (transplanted from my mother's house)
2 blackberry bushes
1 elderberry bush
2 kiwis
1 eucalyptus (planted in honor of the yau-maltese homestead and the metzger australian wedding, 2010)
Various beds of canna lillies, given to us by our across the street neighbors when we bought the house, and then propagated, plopped all over the yard, and given away to friends and family

Whenever I think of moving, I ask myself how could I leave this behind? We have put so much work into our yard, and it is just now starting to yield results. We have been too cheap to buy anything full sized, and I know that in 10 years, I will be exactly where I want us to be. I can never leave my beautiful yard- it has grown up with us.

Experience Flamingo Cottage

2010-04-20T12:26:00.004-04:00

Alice Waters on NPR last night. She prattled on about how food was an experience, and how every morning she wakes up, makes her cup of tea, toasts her bread, spreads avocado on her toast, and feels centered. Eating at a table, experiencing your food, tasting where it comes from... I love the idea, but my morning went a little more like this:

Awoken by Owen: "Mommy I'm ready to get out of bed Mommy I'm ready to get out of bed I'm ready to get out of bed Mommy". I stumble into his room hoping Bridget isn't awake yet (she is) to hear him sweetly say "Oh, hi Mommy. I peed on my sheets Mommy", which was not a news flash, as he was rolling in a puddle. I strip him down and herd him into the shower with me only to discover (after I dump warm water on his back and he screams) that he is COVERED in a rash, from the back of his neck, down his back, on his legs, on his arms... everywhere I put sunscreen/bug spray on his body yesterday afternoon, and didn't wash off when we skipped his bath last night. Which we skipped because he was so whiny. Which was probably because he was covered in chemicals, developing a rash. EFFFFFFFF.

Try to wash urine off of him without touching skin with warm water (not easy) I convince him to squeegee the shower for five minutes while I try to wake up enough to take the next step. Showered, we emerge and I have to pat dry a dripping rashy pre-schooler while hearing a baby holler from her crib. Owen runs off naked as I throw clothes on and enter Bridget's room, where she is jumping on her pillow with a blown out poopy diaper. (Is this the point at which Alice is making her tea or toasting her bread?) Wrestling a baby (covered in poop) while a naked un-housebroken almost three year old suddenly says "I am about to poop Mommy!" is not centering. More wipes, practically another shower for me, and a full load of soiled laundry later, I emerge (trailing two kids wearing nothing but diapers) into my kitchen to prepare my experience. Scooping Target generic formula into a baby bottle and popping into the microwave might not be enough to give Alice a heart attack, but plopping Nestle Quik into (admittedly) organic whole milk from Publix would definitely throw her over the edge. As each kid is sucking down chemicals, vegetable oil solids and sugar, I have just enough time to slosh some hours old coffee into my cup, dump half the sugar bowl in, throw some milk (not formula) in, and get the cup into the microwave. All of this is performed one handed, because I am giving Bridget a bottle while simultaneously calling the pediatrician's office to report the rash situation. Before the microwave has signaled that my humanizing coffee is finished, Owen is ready for MORE chocolate milk and Bridget has thrown her bottle on the ground, squirmed out of my arms, and is headed for the cat food. There is no thought of toast, much less avocado, because I forgot to get bread from the store last night, and have I mentioned that it has been AN HOUR since Owen first called from his bedroom? Another poopy diaper and two call backs from the pediatrician later, Bridget is demanding breakfast, and can not even wait for me to rip open a bag of freeze-dried fruit before she is shoveling it into her mouth by the fistful. I try to gulp my coffee, now less a beverage and more akin to gasoline sludge, which hits my stomach with cramping intensity. This side effect MIGHT be lessened by food, but I can not for the life of me figure out what to eat. I give up, and let the kids play on the floor until Bridget is ready for bed while I slump defeatedly on the couch. By 11:30 Owen deigns to eat a apple and some ham, but only if he is lying on the floor, covered in a quilt and surrounded by 3047 Lincoln Logs. Breakfast for me is a warmed up piece of Domino's pizza, almost a week old, which almost catches my microwave on fire. And an apple. As experiences go, I've had better.

repurposing

2010-04-14T15:08:00.002-04:00

So, I have been feeling inspired lately to re-do my closet. Not rearrange it (heaven forbid!) but redo the contents. I finally have my "forever body", which may be wishful thinking, but at the very least, no more pregnancies, no more nursing, and, let's face it, no more noticeable weight loss. Hopefully a little, but I'm going to be realistic here. My body is mine again, and I am going to start dressing it the way I want to. More dresses, yes please!

To that end, I followed (ironically) this tutorial for refashioning jeans into a maternity skirt. I used a pair of corduroy shorts that I received as a hand-me-down from a friend after Owen was born. They were long shorts, and, frankly, always made me look a teeny bit butch. They were my go-to shorts for feeling slummy on my period, which I now am (feeling slummy on my period, that is). So I took my trusty seam ripper and set to ripping the inseam. WHICH TAKES FOREVER, a small fact crafty blogs seem to leave out. I also had to take in the waist band (yay!) which made it more complicated (bleh) and then voila! a skirt!

Pictures will follow, maybe. It's a skirt, but it isn't very attractive. I was inspired enough, however, to take my seam ripper to a camisole I had worn to pieces to turn an old skirt (never worn)n into a new top. We'll see how it turns out. Also a pair or jeans with a hole in the crotch.

Did I take before shots of any of these? Of course not.

Also, before I sound all glorious and domestic goddess-y.... I have not been cooking anything of note, my house is covered in laundry and dog hair, and my personal appearance is only so-so. So I do not, infact, have it all together, as it may sound from just reading this blog.

sheets. ad naseum.

2010-04-09T00:11:00.006-04:00

Everyone who knows my kids and their capacious bladders know how often I change Owen's sheets. Sometimes twice a day, because he can't always sleep more than four hours without peeing through his diaper. Since the only alternative seems to be dehydration, I live with it and just do A LOT of laundry.

I am also too cheap to buy sheets. Plus, O-dog has some VERY particular feelings about sheets, esp. those with a sub-par thread count or *gasp* poly-cotton blend. The first time I put a sheet on his bed with polyester in it, he said "Mommy, these sheets hurt my back". He was two. This would not be a problem, because when we put him in a big-boy bed, it was a twin. I promptly went to Target to buy fours pairs of sheets, which I layer with water-proof sheeting so that when I need to do a quich sheet change, I just strip off the top layer and protective sheeting, and voila- clean sheets. (He sometimes doesn't make it from midnight to eight a.m., thus rendering the midnight diaper change both ineffective and annoying.) Then, for reasons that only my pregnancy addled brain could possibly deduce, we changed his mattress to an extra-long twin, making all of his sheets useless. Awesome. This leaves me with the sheets my brother gave me with the mattress (red plaid, with holes), the cheap back-hurting sheets, and a pair of star sheets that are twin size and cause my to spew expletives whenever I struggle to jam them on the bed. Which is about three times a week, minimum. Add to all my other bed sheet quirks the fact that I don;t believe in white sheets, because I want to know at a glance whose sheets are whose during laundry time, and I am stuck either shelling out good money for (admittedly good) sheets that coordinate with each room's decor (and I am using the term "decor" as loosely as possible, here) OR doing laundry over and over while risking some of Bridget's first words for linens being spelled with only four letters.

What's a girl to do? I was seriously considering going to goodwill and searching for ex-long twin sheet sets (in all my spare time) but this thought alarmed Amanda and made me realize that my mother would DIE if she thought my children were getting bed-bugs from the homeless, or whoever might be touching the goodwill sheets. Plus, we all know that "bed-bugs" are a slightly sore topic in my extended family right now....

I was resigned to Target. Again.

Then I was putting away some laundry (don't worry, not all of it- my kitchen table is far from naked) and found my wedding sheets. I chose my bridal bedding from the Swell dorm line that Target was selling at the time, because I am a sucker for Cynthia Rowley and multi-colored stripes. I still have the shower curtain up in the kids' bathroom (well, in theory. I haven't removed the Valentine's curtain from the bathroom yet) and the hand towels. (That part is actually true). I loved the sheets because I grew up with white sheets and a powerful menstrual cycle- not a good combo. Once I realized you could get multi-colored striped and RED sheets, I felt like I had just discovered Google Reader. (Ha! Not true either- I don;t think Google Reader even existed when I got married almost seven years ago- if it did, i certainly had never heard of it. Or heard of a blog, for that matter.) Anyway, I felt elated.

These sheets were my favorite, until I got pregnant with Owen and realized what it was like not to have a real period for almost a year, and then pretty immediately afterwards (or at least it feels like it) got pregnant with Bridget. White sheets all around! Plus, my mother made me a BEAUTIFUL quilt for my 27th birthday, in pastels and clear, sea glass-ey colors. Beautiful, but not matching my multi-colored stripes.

My swell sheets, soft, beautiful.... SOFT have been languishing in the sheet box under my bed, forgotten like Junie in the rapture of motherhood. Then I got inspired, and in less than an hour, converted my beloved queen size sheets into extra-long sheets for my big boy's bed. Fitted and top. Admittedly, they look like a squirrel all hopped up on crystal meth sewed them , but they are done, on the bed and....

They look perfect. Like I chose them for the room, spending hours online, trying to match the perfect color scheme. Mimsie made the bed quilt- TOO CUTE.

Apparently, I have a very narrow palette of acceptable decorating colors. This might seem shocking until you ask Craig how many gallons of light blue paint we have in the garage.

Five, all just a tiny bit different from one another.

(Please excuse some of the ghetto aspects of this, like the lack of bedskirt. I almost started that tonight too, but then I recognized what a bad idea it is to start a sewing project at midnight. The old me would have done it in a heartbeat, but this is the new me. The one who looks at naked mattresses, apparently.)

I thought I was a genius

2010-04-01T20:24:00.002-04:00

Let's make these, I think to myself. What a good Martha-esque mom I will be. I will be the-mom-who-makes-itty-bitty-cookies- while-chatting-charmingly-with-her-preschooler.

Within 10 minutes I was emphatically yelling "Don't lick your ball!" to said preschooler. (Cookie dough is too close to play-doh to distinguish, apparently).

I will never serve you something my child helped me cook. I will lie and say I am (to make him feel good) but rest assured, I have remade a new batch while he was sleeping. This is why I no longer bake.

Why I put up with Vinegar-as-Gift

2009-11-14T14:14:00.003-05:00

you know those giant novelty martini glasses you can get at wal-mart, on an end cap in the craft section? no? well, they are giant, and I need one RIGHT NOW. FILLED WITH VODKA. maybe a little ice, or a splash of limeade and a jar of maraschino cherries.

As my mom used to tell me, i need to to "take a chill pill". Which should have been an indication that, even at age 8, i was wound a little too tight. What I did not know in third grade was that there are, indeed, real life "chill pills". They are called anti-depressants. And I am beginning to think I may want some.

Why, you may ask?

I have begun jumping to the-worst-possible-scenario conclusions. As in, I have a strange, under the skin knot on my forearm. I first noticed this knot last Sunday, after our return from Silver Springs. Since then, the knot has progressed from:
possible spider bite
to
bruise
to
slowly unraveling tendon, requiring surgery (thank you, Amanda, for setting me straight on that one)
to
horrible parasite picked up in the petting zoo which has laid its eggs under my skin and may begin to eat me from the inside, or conversely, will explode in a swarm from my skin like an alien giving birth to a microscopic army of tiny organisms which will eat my family alive like piranha fleas
to
blood clot, caused my forcing my too-tight wedding rings back on my ring finger, amplified by bloating that could or could not be pre-menstrual (which is also, about all i need right now)

Craig maintains that it is spider bite. He made me hot cocoa with whipped cream, and applied hydro-cortisone cream to my arm.

can i start today over?

2009-08-26T09:24:00.000-04:00

I debated making a fresh pot of coffee, but the effort required seemed daunting. So I used old coffee from yesterday. Instead of pouring out in a thick luxurious stream of indulgence, the cream plopped into my cup. I stirred it in and tasted it anyway. The carton smelled lucky, the coffee was okay, but I figured I should not knowingly drink past due dairy while nursing. So I poured it out, washed the french press, heated the kettle, and ground the beans. Poured the water into pot- there was only half as much as I needed. Gerry. Heat more water. Refill sugar bowl, and I am four minutes away from feeling human again.

It's going to be a long four minutes.

at a loss for words

2009-08-24T11:59:00.000-04:00

O (looking at a box of wipes with d***** princesses on the cover): what those friends doing?

Me: ummm... nothing

Wow. Those girls are doing nothing at all, but looking beautiful and coyly thinking about their cleavage (that's right, b****. You're busted).

I know these princesses used to do things. Sewing, gathering berries- granted, none of them were getting a Ph.D, but I remember Princess Cleavage always had her nose buried in a book. Where did their props go? When did they become pagent princesses, minus the talent portion?

Say what you will, at least bob the builder always has a tape measure.

thursday, 10:37 am

2009-08-20T10:37:00.002-04:00

Owen is outside, digging in the mud. Bridget is in her swing, fed, burped and happy. Everyone in the house is dressed, laundry is rotating from washer to dryer to drawers.

I am having an amazing day, brought to me courtesy of MVJ playing a quick game of hooky, giving me half an hour of parole.

Thank you!

what i need

2009-08-19T18:39:00.000-04:00

1. A nap
2. Someone to latch b onto one breast (mine are fine), burp her, roll me over, repeat
3. Earplugs
4. My laundry switched over
5. I tunes updated, songs purchased, playlists made
6. Photos compiled from everyone's cameras, cute ones selected, cd made, photos developed
7. Photos mailed
8. Pedicure
9. Eyebrows waxed
10. IUD ordered (duh)
11. An extra hand to write thank you notes
12. A month long supply of belly bars, so I don't have to think about beakfast or vitamins
13. Library books selected, put on hold, picked up
14. My ipod charger located
15. My baby bathed so she isn't stinky sour
16. A car seat for craig's car
17. New flooring
18. A lady-in-waiting, responsible for bathing and dressing me
19. Calorie free vodka
20. Stomach muscles

Any takers, universe? You can have my credit card.

Swipe.

To Do, 8:15 a.m.

2009-08-08T11:09:00.003-04:00

1. Drink at least 3 tervis tumblers of water.
2. Drink coffee, as soon upon waking as possible.
3. Take iron supplements twice daily, plus pre-natal vitamins, dha supplement, fish oil, and folic acid.
4. Do not take anything containing iron with any calcium- coffee, cereal, bellybars (a good source of iron AND calcium- how is this possible?), cheese, etc.
5. Take iron with food
6. Eat small, frequent meals
7. Eat more calcium and protein.
8. Avoid excessive nut consumption to prevent the dreaded peanut allergy
9. Feed baby
10. Burp baby
11. Hold baby as much as possible to promote brain stimulation.
12. Put baby to sleep on back to prevent SIDS
13. Put baby on tummy for tummy time
14. Prevent two year old from running over baby in excitement to see what chihuahua is barking at by the front door.
15. Two year old? Oops.
16. Attempt to feed two year old, who says "no thank you" to every proffered choice, suggesting instead that "owen can please have pop?"
17. Grind your teeth.
18. Debate relative importance of manners, nutrition, and soon to be inevitable tantrum, caused by hunger.
19. Attempt to pee, while holding a baby who has suddenly decided to try and nurse through your clothing.
20. Endure two year old turning bathroom lights and exhaust fan on and off.
21. Distract two year old from bathroom faucet.
22. Extract two year old from bath tub.
23. Return to living room to find two year old eating goldfish and oyster crackers, let it go.
24. Change baby diaper
25. Change two year old
26. Decide to potty train two year old
27. Take a deep breath, pray for 9 a.m. to arrive

note to self

2009-08-06T17:13:00.000-04:00

Do not leave headband on b while driving in car. Unattended infants plus headband equals choking hazard. Oops.

*no babies were harmed in the creation of this post, but probably only becuase we were on a very short trip.

thoughts on being a mom... again

2009-08-02T22:27:00.002-04:00

typing this one handed... please forgive lack of punctuation, etc...

-the one piece of advice i never questioned with owen was "sleep when the baby sleeps". i have done this almost his whole life. i had boundless energy, cleaned the house, cooked up a storm, made homemade cards to send to everyone each month with his picture (professionally taken). i can't always (rarely) sleep now bc both kids are rarely sleeping at the same time. exhaustion is a bitch, people. and now, so am i! there are times when b might be in a deep sleep after owen goes to bed, but at that point, i am most likely too tired to move.

- disposible make-up remover face wipes and tinted moisturizer are my new best friends. i can wash my face and put on "make-up" without getting out of bed, while burping a freshly nursed baby, pumping and trying to convince a two year old to feed me (and not the dog) honey sunshine. somehow he figured out that normal people put milk in their breakfast cereal (ahem- daddio!) and now i have to convince him that cereal plus a swig of milk from the sippy cup is a comparable experience.

- there are times when i forget that i have a second child (she is generally unobtrusive with the exception of the midnight to two a.m. stretch) and other times when it comes crashing down on me.

- i find myself frustrated most by the small chores that i could do in 15 miuntes if it was just owen and i. loading and unloading the dishwasher. a load of laundry transfer. throwing lunch together. making a quick phone call. all of these tasks, which used to be so achievable, even while 8 months pregnant, have become seemingly impossible.

- baby blues? check.

-on the plus side, i have more fun with b. i don't take her so seriously, and am not ruffled by much that she does. i am enjoying her more than i did owen, with whom i had a deep, serious, and passionate love. b and i are much more companionable. i hope that in 30 years we will be good friends.

- nursing is no longer killing me, but the search for stylish nursing tops is. Maybe, since all the ones I like best are in the $60-$80 range, I should actually consider having J. Brooks modify/ design a few cotton ones. i think that the cabo halter would be easy to change, looks good, and would be gorgeous. Plus, I've got the cotton prints for it already.

craig has the baby, so I am going to throw laundry in the wash, and go to bed. Here's to hoping for a good night's sleep.

excerpt from email to kimberlina

2009-07-23T21:57:00.000-04:00

How is this for tempting/attractive/make you want to get pregnant right away?

Last night b had her first bath in 8 days (oops). She was getting so smelly I was grossed out. A few hours later, I fed her (1 hour 15 min). Changed a poopy diaper. She spit up. Changed her onesie. She had another poopy diaper. Changed it. She spit up OUT OF HER MOUTH AND NOSE SIMULTANEOUSLY. Changed her onesie, did deep breathing so I didn't puke myself. Recovered enough to pee while holding her, she spit up chunks all over my shirt, cleavage, bra, herself. Then I had to wipe while holding a now slippery slimy baby. Took her onesie off, changed another poopy diaper, gave up on dressing her and just left her naked (until this morning, actually). Changed another poopy diaper. Just realized while typing this that although I did change my clothes, I still have not showered/washed face/brushed teeth since... 4 o'clock yesterday afternoon? Def not since the chunky cleavage instance.

All of this happened consecutively, without pause. Just saying you MIGHT want to pack a few extra outfits- and an iron stomach. It wasn't pretty.

La Jour De Gloire Est Arrive

2009-07-20T22:55:00.002-04:00

First off, if you know me, you know how much I hate pregnancy. I have easy pregnancies, I love my babies, but the actual 9 months? I am miserable- a fact I conveniently and COMPLETELY forgot in between Owen and Bridget. Bridget's due date was July 25, but due to Owen's giant newborn self, induction at 41 1/2 weeks, and a rough delivery and recovery period, my midwife agreed to induce Bridget at 39 weeks. That was the plan, and I was convinced that nothing on the planet would make Bridget come earlier.

On Monday (July 13), I was miserable to the extreme. I hadn't been sleeping, I was uncomfortable, I was weepy. I called the midwives' office, and they told me to come in Tuesday. I went in at 10:30 am, saw Ronnie Jo (the midwife on call), and she told me I was a loose 1 1/2 cm dilated. I asked her to check again, and she said "Ooh, maybe you're up to 3! And 70% effaced!" She offered to strip my membranes, which I eagerly accepted, and told me she wouldn't be surprised to see me in a few hours. I rolled my eyes and said "not likely. I've heard that many times before!" With Owen, I was further along than that for at least two weeks before he was induced.

I got a hair cut, picked Owen up from Mimsie's house, came home, put him down for a nap, and made some lunch. By this time, it was around 2 o'clock, and I was a little crampy, but also more dehydrated than normal, so I chalked it up to "irritable uterus". As I had already visited the hospital on the night of our anniversary (July 5) for severe cramping and regular contractions, I did not want to have another false alarm. Marthe called, and we chatted until about 2:30.

At 2:45, I started to get really uncomfortable, so I ran a bath, called Craig and told him that he might want to wrap up any loose ends at work, just in case I really did go into labor that night. By 3, my stomach was upset and I realized that this might be it- that or the leftovers I ate for lunch had gone bad. I texted Craig and he offered to stop by on his way home from Buccholz, where he was looking at the air handlers on the roof. By 3:20, Craig was home, I was in a hot bath to ease the contractions, and he was timing. During our anniversary hospital trip, the LDR nurse had told Craig that HE would be able to tell if my labor was real or just Braxton-Hicks, because my contractions would be regularly 5 minutes apart for over an hour, and my personality would change- I would no longer be the sweet woman he knew and loved. By 3:45, I asked Craig if he thought it was the real thing, because they were getting more intense, but more bearable as I recalled the relaxation techniques we learned in class to prepare for Owen. He said that he wanted to time more and see if they stayed consistent or changed. I told him to call my mother to pick Owen up. By four, I told him to call again, and get her there FAST. When I asked if the contractions were still regular, he said no. What he neglected to mention is that they were now getting closer together. I was beginning to feel like I wasn't getting a break in between contractions, and he still thought this wasn't the real deal. I had to start acting like a bitch in hopes that he would begin to take me seriously, but I wasn't even positive myself that this was real labor. There was still the possibility I was just dehydrated.

At 4:20 I made him the call the midwife's office, and my mom came to wake Owen up. She stopped by the bathroom to see me first, and asked Craig how far apart my contractions were. When he said 3 minutes, she told him to get me to the hospital RIGHT AWAY- and he said "We still have plenty of time". At 4:30 , I thought I might throw up, and I remembered the feeling from Owen- it meant that transition was over and soon I would have to push. I was debating whether it was worth it to go to the hospital or just call 911 and have the baby at home. Craig fed the dog.

The pressure to push started, and I told him I wasn't leaving. He convinced me to get me some clothes on and go to the hospital. (Keep in mind- my contractions were three m inutes apart, and lasting almost three minutes, so I didn't have much time to actually accomplish anything in between). He asked what I would like to wear- and when I said the blue shirt (which I vaguely remembered I had left at the door to the bathroom on the floor) he went to the bedroom, looked in my closet, and came back with two choices- neither of which were maternity tops. I finally grabbed the blue shirt, threw it on without a bra and headed for the car. He asked me which car I wanted to take, and even while being mindful of the upholstery in the newer van, it was in the driveway and thus closer. (BTW- when a woman in labor chooses to chant "No, stay, not yet" to her baby during a contraction, now is not the time to ask her to make decisions).

I finally made it into the van (after having a contraction in the front yard for all the neighbors to see- nice) at 4:59, and all I could think was "5 o'clock traffic. Perfect". (Even while not in labor, I am intimidated by NW Gainesville's "rush hour", and avoid leaving my house at this time unless absolutely necessary). (Also, we live 8 minutes from the hospital) For some reason, the break in between contractions during the pushing stage leaves you more lucid, so by the time we passed Buccholz I asked if we should call ahead. Craig's response? "Nope. We still have plenty of time". I couldn't respond as I was back to panting "Stay. Stay. Stay." like Bridget was an unruly puppy, as opposed to a baby trying to exit my uterus on Newberry Road.

Thank God we did not hit any unduly long red lights, and traffic was relatively light. We pulled up to the awning at the Women's Center at 5:07 (I wouldn't let Craig park in the garage) and I demanded a wheel chair. He was beginning to rush a little bit now, after not altering his driving speed at all on the way over. We caught an elevator to the third floor, and at this point, I was hovering above the seat like a newly potty trained toddler who has to hold it but is about to lose it. All the while panting, more frantically, "NO NO STAY STAY" like a deranged, wet from the tub lunatic. I completely silanced the family of 27 gathered in the waiting room as we careened off the elevator. Once we got into the maternity ward proper and up to the nurse's station (at 5:10), Craig started to introduce me and explain the details when Ronnie Jo rounded the corner and I desperately said "I NEED TO PUSH". She had the good sense to point to the nearest room and we went in, followed by a few other nurses. They told Craig to help me out of my clothes (I was having another contraction) and he said "her underwear, too?" as I thought DEAR GOD WHY IS NO ONE TAKING ME SERIOUSLY. When they couldn't get my shirt off I told them to just cut it, but they insisted on helping me into a gown and onto the bed to check and see how dilated i was. When Ronnie Jo checked, she looked surpised and for a second I thought she was going to say "Well, you're four centimeters along". Instead she said "I don't feel any cervix, and there's a baby's head right there". NO KIDDING. I said "I have to push" and they said "wait" and I said "Sorry, I can't" and she barely had time to catch Bridget, who came flying out like a little fish (as my water had not broken during labor, and came out with her). She was born at 5:15 pm, on my Irish papa's birthday, and Bastille day to boot. I held her for twenty minutes as they set the room up, in awe that it was over so quickly. I felt like I had gotten a baby from a drive-thru- it was a completely surreal feeling.

Bridget Kathryn Gulledge
7 lbs 5 oz, 20 inches
July 14, 2009, 5:15 pm

She is a VERY relaxed baby, who is currently nursing ever 3 1/2 hours (which is good, because her jaws are somewhere between a lamprey and a snapping turtle) who is tinier than I ever could have imagined. I swear she has a sense of humor- she makes the cutest, most expressive little faces. Owen is very nonchalant about her, but we haven't had a full day at home by ourselves yet, so we'll see.

Physically, I feel fantastic, and anyone who ever hear Owen's birth story- do not fear. That was a fluke. This time, I have no stitches and no post-partum pain (other than standard cramping and nursing issues). I am more tired this time, but I think because I felt so amazing after little b was born that I am not resting as much as I should be- that's about to change, too.

Thank you for all your positive thoughts and good wishes- I know they made a difference.

ADVICE TO PREGNANT WOMEN:
1. If you have the option to labor in water- DO IT. Tub, shower, birthing tank, whatever you can use- the difference it made in my comfort during labor was drastic. So drastic, I wasn't even sure it WAS labor!
2. If you are even considering trying natural childbirth, take a class to prepare. It made such a huge difference in my comfort level, and I have used the relaxation techniques countless other times during uncomfortable procedures (dentist, anyone?). If you get into labor and you find it doesn't work for you, you can still get anesthesia (most of the time- I'm not a doctor!).
3. If your midwife tells you that you will only have a three hour labor and not to mess around- listen. Craig still thinks we timed it just right, but I told him that the next time he needs to poop, I'm going to make him hold it for 9 months and 45 minutes and see how he likes it.

happy friday

2009-07-10T08:01:00.003-04:00

It's like Christmas morning in the Gulledge household. There is a mini excavator with a jackhammer attachment turning our driveway to rubble, and Craig and Owen are glued to the front window. Owen (who went to bed almost two hours late last night) was woken up early (about an hour early) by Craig, who was doing an antsy-pants dance of excitement.

Owen's primary concern (after he understood the scope of work, as explained by Craig) was wondering if the three 21 year old GRU workers in our driveway are wearing "sunscream". They are not wearing hard hats or safety googles, a fact that has escaped Safety Officer Gulledge, Jr. Owen also just said "Watch mini-excavator on Bob the Builder", which I just realized was referring to the action in the front yard.

Did I mention that in the past 48 hours, I have slept for 5? And that the only place I can comfortably sleep is on the couch? And that being awoken by the beeping of an excavator being delivered, combined with the warning barks of my chihuahua, are maybe not the most pleasant way of waking up from the two hours sleep I was in the process of getting? (And no, I am not sleeping because I have a new baby. I am not sleeping because the large baby in my uterus has taken up residence on the nerve in my back that controls my legs. I recognize the irony of sleepless nights WHILE STILL PREGNANT).

Thank you, GRU.

he gets off on being withholding

2009-07-08T21:22:00.002-04:00

I asked Craig to get me a cupcake from fresh market, and he said no. He went to work, and I promptly ate an indisclosable amount of cookie dough from the break and bake package.

He then showed up with a cupcake.

I ate it anyway.

yum.

Woman to woman

2009-07-08T21:07:00.002-04:00

First of all, a big huge thank you to everyone who shared their uber-personal stories about childbirth in my last post. I truly have a wonderful group of friends (and friends of friends)...

You have reassured me that NO ONE does an episitomy any more, which i think is awesome. Also, I went back to my original midwife after going through rotation with tons of other people, and I am reassured by a good talk with her and her amazingly tiny hands. I swear, that woman could be practically sticking her fingers out your nose during a pelvic exam and I don't think you would notice. That level of comfort is pretty significant when someone is checking your dilation.

So here is where we are on the pregnancy front:
Tomorrow (37 weeks and 5 days) I go in for another ultrasound to estimate little Bridget's weight. Because let me tell you, she doesn't seem so little. I have (for virtually no discernable reason) gained 21 1/2 pounds (I gained over 35 with Owen) this pregnancy, and Jane says that she will be amazed if B is less than 8 pounds when we induce a week early. Hello????? She also told me not to freak if the ultrasound measures 9 lbs- they have been known to be off. So, I am just no longer concerned about having a big baby, and am simply continuing to keep my fingers crossed for a giant placenta. Again.

I am ready. I am going to be induced at 39 weeks, just pitocin, no water breaking unnaturally, and am pretty damn sure that she will not come beforehand. The downside is that in trying to get ready, I have what is known as an "irritable uterus" which mimics labor and menstrual cramps from hell, and due to my past history and reaction to pain, I have to go in if I think I am in labor- "just in case". I still believe in pushing the envelope as far as possible, but Jane and the LDR nurses are not fond of this approach. We'll see who wins this battle. I've already had to go in once, but I swear, THAT WAS THE LAST TIME.

Crisis of Confidence

2009-06-02T22:29:00.003-04:00

WARNING: this is a post about childbirth, and the aftermath. I am tired of pregnancy, birth, and what comes after being a taboo and humiliating experience, especially when every single person on this planet has been involved. C'mon, people- you may not have given birth, but you were certainly born. So I need advice, but YOU may not choose to read about it. I do not want to force you to, either: this is your warning to just navigate away from the page if you do not want to be involved in the conversation.

So here's the bottom line.

Natural childbirth (read- no pain meds) was very important to me, as is the idea that birth is a very natural occurrence, and should be treated as such. With this in mind, I have been seeing a certified nurse midwife for all my well woman and pregnancy care for years. I was very pleased with my labor experience with Owen, which involved an induced labor lasting six hours (on pitocin, a contraction enhancing drug), no pain medication, no episiotomy. My midwife was with me almost the whole time, except in the earlier parts when I told her I didn't need her there, so if she had something to do we'd let her know when we were ready for her again. There was some serious tearing involved when Owen was born, but I do not fault anyone for that. (Also- I couldn't even feel it ladies- don't freak if you haven't had a baby yet). I waited an extra 11 days to give birth to a child who ended up being 8 lbs 14 oz. That was my choice as well. The healing did not go super smoothly, and I am not pleased with the quality of workmanship of subsequent repairs, which were performed by an ob-gyn who told me this would have been easier if I had had a c-section.

My mother (and most women of her generation) believe that an episiotomy would have negated most of the problems I had post-partum, but in speaking with many people (anectodally, other midwives, ob-gyns) I have learned that the episiotomy is no longer standard procedure and is indeed frowned upon in most practices today. So with 8 more weeks to go until the birth of my second child, I may be considering going about his differently. Here is what I want to know, and here's where I need your help.

If you have given birth in the last 10 years or so, and any of the following situations apply, please respond- and feel free to do so anonymously.

a) Has anyone switched from midwife to ob-gyn, or vice versa? If so, what were your reasons, and were you pleased with the choice you made?
b) Has anyone had a natural (epidural free) birth with an ob-gyn? (I am not opposed to pitocin, and handled labor fine last time, so pain management is not a concern for me)
c) Has anyone had an episiotomy? Have you had one, then not had one, or vice versa?
d) Anyone in the medical profession care to jump in, whether you have given birth or not?
e) Actually, any insight at all to second childbirth would be great. Feel free to make any comments.

I feel comfortable writing about this in a public sphere because many women I have asked have similar stories about the post-partum experience, so I know I am not alone. Nor do I want anyone to feel that I am critiquing her choices in giving birth- actually, I would love to hear about it from another perspective. Tell me your experiences, with first or second or third child. Feel free to do so anonymously.

2009-06-02T13:59:00.003-04:00

my internet has not been working, so here is a quick update:

owen is teething, and refuses to be normal for me. Craig and mimsie get gold star super sweet behavior, though. i get bob the builder and pop requests for hours on end.

i think the baby may fall out. just saying.

craig has no clean underwear.

water gives me indigestion. but ice doesn't.

veronica wants a "ipod clopper scanner" for her bday. i do not know wtf she is referring to.

i want to buy a house down the street from my mom. it isn't currently for sale.

i know I should be grateful.....

2009-05-26T19:41:00.002-04:00

So, Owen has been sleeping. ALOT. Even more than normal, and everyone knows that kid can sleep.

Monday:
awake at 9:30, nap by 12:20, slept until 5:00, bed at 7:15.

Last night: in bed by 7:30, up for the day at 8:30- and I think only then because he peed through his diaper, wet his pjs, sheets, and quilts. Otherwise- he might have slept till 9:30 like on Monday. By 11:40, he DEMANDED that he get put down for his nap, refusing to even consider lunch. He slept through a giant thunderstorm, and woke up just before 3. Tonight- he was in bed by 7:10.

He has been sleeping like this for... over a week. The strange part is that he looks exhausted, all the time. Big bags under his eyes, red cheeks- the works. Even before this week, if he knows that I won't be babysitting, he's been sleeping like Rip Van Winkle.

Now, please don't get me wrong. This sleep schedule of his is a gift from god, right at the time I need it most. I am practically sleeping right along with him, and I am still exhausted. BUT I am in my third trimester. Rolling over in bed takes an inordinate amount of energy. Owen is a two year old boy who is obviously not pregnant.

Do you think this is simple growth spurt? I am pretty sure it is not straight on two year molar teething. Is it jsut so hard being two that he needs to sleep to escape the stress of it? Because if so, trust me.... I can relate.

memorial day, 10 :39 am

2009-05-25T10:37:00.002-04:00

daddy home for holiday
saps my energy
wish i could go back to bed

p.s. is this a haiku? is it 5-7-5 or 7-5-7? the japanese will have to forgive me.

Garden pictures

2009-05-25T00:04:00.005-04:00

The garden as a whole (almost)

Cucumbers are the first thing to need harvesting (and also are taking over the garden) :

Green peppers:

eggplant:

This is all Craig. I just take the pictures.

Nauseating Self-Ego Stroking Post

2009-05-24T22:51:00.007-04:00

DISCLAIMER:

In the past two days, I have been sooooo impressed with myself. I have been crafting like a last gasp of air, which it very well might be. Please keep in mind, while reading the next few posts, that my kitchen is at a very sub par level of cleanliness (I am in a dishwasher loading stand-of with Craig), my quilting room (where Craig sleeps) looks like a disaster site and I did not get dressed today until 3:00. Plus I have been unbearably bossy and queen like, which makes me miserable to be around. NOTE: Craig sleeps in the quilting room not because of the dishwasher standoff but because I am too restless at night for him to get any rest in bed with me.

So while I look awesome and don't mind talking about it, rest assured knowing that Owen wore the same tee-shirt for over 24 hours straight today.

Scenario one:
When I was four, I remember begging to be picked up from Y We Care during naptime, because another little boy whose parents did this regularly got to play with the toys (specifically: the kitchen) all by himself. I coveted his life. I have been dying to get Owen a kitchen, but my "cottage" (read: very small house) will not allow it. No matter how I try, it is not happening unless I get rid of a major piece of furniture, which will do nothing for my storage problems.

Scenario two:
Friday morning playdate- deluge, four kids, one migraine, one pregnancy, possibly one mild hangover, and not enough coffee in the world. One of the kids (okay, it was mine) has developed a new habit of screaming (piercingly) "MINE!!!!! OWEN HAVE IT!!!!!" while snatching a toy from Frankie and running in a circuit down the hall, through the kitchen, around the dining room table and in a never ending loop through the kitchen-dining room- living room circle. All while I weakly try to focus and threaten a time out like I mean it, which he knows is futile because I can't actually catch him. Frankie has never been a girl to take ANYTHING lying down (one of the things I love about her) and is protesting the theft in an equally high pitched toddler voice. Preschool teachers of twos classes? Next time we meet in a bar, it's on me.

Desperation set in, and I flipped a toy box on its side, covered it with a blanket, and told the kids it was a kitchen. Frankie wasn't sure at first, as she has an awesome kitchen at home, but (god bless her) Bronwyn went to town, and the twos soon followed her lead. Bronwyn (age 3) told the kids it was a stove and they would get burned if they sat on it (this is prompted by Owen's butt sitting right on her counter/ stove area, but she kept her cool), and they were happy until it was time to leave. (At least, pretty much. There was an extended stethoscope/ doctor session, and Owen was more interested in establishing dominance and possesion over his toys than playing with them, but eventually pops were had by all and a relative peace ensued.)

I was entranced by how easily imaginative kids accepted "box covered with blue blanket is kitchen" scenario, and having recently been inspired by Cool Spaces for Kids, today I turned this:

into this:

Its coolness belies its simplicity. A spring rod, a wooden box from IKEA clearance, fabric scraps, canvas, and ultra heat n' bond. Done. Kitchen supplies are stored inside, and if Owen plays with it as much as I hope he will, I will satin stitch the edges. Right now it is simply ironed on.

My biggest fear? Lucy will lurk inside and attack unsuspecting toddlers/chihuahuas/ankles. She is already practicing.

just because I make the rules, does that mean I have to follow them?

2009-05-22T16:27:00.003-04:00

At this point, the only three things that are even slightly appetizing are popsicles (the tube kind where green tastes like some sort of chemical), iced coffee run through a blender so it is essentially a coffee flavored slushie, and.... you guessed it... ice.

Does this constitute pica?

Mark Bittman, I may be leaving you for a lesbian fling with Donna Klein.

2009-05-20T19:28:00.003-04:00

A big fat THANK YOU to Amanda and Marthe- and also an apology to Amanda for not listening months ago when you told me how good this book was. Now, it needs to be known that I have pretty much stopped buying books for myself, and severely cut back on my cookbook acquisitions in particular. I was, alas, overrun with books, and my space is VERY limited. So, hopefully, maybe Craig will get me clorox or something else appalling for a gift sometime within the next year, and I will throw another hissy fit and end up with an electronic book reader. All of that aside, I have been supporting my local library more and buying less books, which brings me in a very roundabout way to the topic of this post.

The Mediterranean Vegan Kitchen by Donna Klein ROCKS. I am not vegan, and though I am very vegetarian friendly, I love me some cheese (and bad grammar, too, apparently.) I could never be vegan, which is why I would never have looked twice at this cookbook if Marthe had not a) insisted I would love it and b) brought her leftovers to my house and let me drool over them while she stored them in my fridge during play time. I think that may have been my undoing. All I want to eat this summer is cold food that requires minimum cooking time- frozen bruschetta popsicles, anyone? (That is NOT a recipe from this book- just a crazy pregnancy craving). So I looked at this book on Amazon, and ordered it immediately after reading the crostini section.

I cooked from it today. OH MY GOD. It was amazing. For dinner we had
-Bruschetta with Cannellini Beans, Bitter Greens, and Tomatoes (Craig's favorite)
- Roasted Red Pepper and Zucchini Salad
-Spaghetti Rigati with Fondue de Tomatoes (supposed to be made with capellini, but I did not have any)

Some of my favorite things about this cookbook? I feel like there are only about 20 ingrediants in the whole book, most of which are pantry staples or the kinds of produce we will have on hand anyway (tomatoes, green beans, arugula, cucumbers...). This means that I don't have to know in advance what I'm going to make for dinner- I am guaranteed to be able to eat something I'm in the mood for without preplannig. (A huge plus in my book!) Plus, at the risk of sounding pretentious, we should have most of the produce available from our garden this summer. (Anyone who was in my organic vegetable gardening class in college will know exactly how much gardening I did- I only cooked what Craig planted, tended and harvested. The garden is still Craig's baby, and I usually try to dissuade him from planting anything but herbs and tomatoes.) This cookbook is essentially delicious Italian food... superb.

Mark, my main man- looks like you have some competition.

Don't Wake Up the Bear!

2009-05-19T22:09:00.003-04:00

We have entered the third trimester of my pregnancy, which this time, I am officially dubbing "bear season". I am large. I lumber around my kitchen, foraging for food. Occasionally I will be spotted out of doors, but this will become more and more rare as the weeks pass. I am INCREDIBLY cranky. And hyper-emotional, to boot. If you make me cry, don't worry. If I don't immediately eat you, I will understand that it isn't you, it's me.

I would love to sleep all the time, but sleeping is actually one of the more uncomfortable things I do on a daily basis. Craig left our bed (voluntarily) a week ago, and while the extra space is nice, I feel increasingly ostracized. (Did I mention that socializing, outside of a select few understanding people, is getting more and more difficult? And yet I feel ostracized? Are we seeing a "Meaghan can not be made happy" trend?) My back is killing me. By the end of the day, I am literally hobbling through the house like a grouchy geriatric lunatic. (However, we bought the CMO brace today, and I felt instant relief. I have not yet started feathering my hair, though, and choose to wear the brace UNDER my clothing, for the time being.)

So, consider this fair warning. Meaghan has left, and has been replaced by an angry, hungry bear looking for Oreos. I will not be back for many months, because new baby hormones will undoubtedly turn me into a nauseating mush ball. If you ask me how much I weigh, I will cry. If you tell me that I'm "finally starting to show" I will come at you like a spider monkey. And if you look funny at my shoes, as did the gentleman in the waiting room of the OB's office today, I may bash your teeth in with my fist. Just thought you should know.

Do I make an excuse? No, I just publish twice in one night.

2009-05-19T21:46:00.002-04:00

Well, I fell off the wagon, but only for a tiny bit. And my excuse? That Craig had the computer all night, stalking people under my facebook account. And then I was up WAY later than I should have been, and got up this morning to babysit S & J again. I have decided that I am officially crazy for this drop off day care business, but I only have (potentially) thirteen days left. Plus, after S and Owen played "hissing snakes and screaming dragons" up and down the hallway, I bundled them up and turned them loose outside, in the (seemingly) frigid drizzliness that was 10:30 this morning. I sat in my favorite chair with J and a bottle, propped up on pillows, and didn't worry about the kiddos in the back. I think there was wet sand thrown, but I had thirthy minutes before two kids with their noses pressed agaisnt my back door were saying "Miss Meaghan! Miss Mommy! Can I have a popsicle (Owen)? Can we have a bath (S)?" How can you say no to that? Blue lips turned into blue tongues in the tub (thank you, Fla-vo-ice) and I got easy mac, hot dogs, and frozen peas and carrots on the table by noon. I am a true earth mother.

Question: why does mixing vegestables into macaroni and cheese provide such delight to children visiting my house? Is it because I am, indeed, an awesome gourmet chef, like this mom? (oh yes I did). Remember, we are talking about this plus this. Is it sheer sodium overload? The veggies are in now way hidden. If I serve them on the side, they are rejected. Mix them in, and I am a culinary goddess. It must be a chemical in the "cheese" that addles brain cells.

Why, might you ask, was I reduced to easy mac? Hold your breath, people, but I have a shocking announcement : I have NO BUTTER in the house. Not a stick, not a pat, in the fridge, in either freezer, on my counter. What's a girl to do? I can honestly say that I have never before been in this predictament. Is someone going to the grocery store? Rescue me. Please. I am not sure I can go on much longer.

Day 2

2009-05-17T21:37:00.003-04:00

When Owen was 18 months old, temper tantrums and general toddlerness kicked in. At Target, I saw the book The Happiest Toddler on the Block. I remembered Dr. Karp's technique to soothe a fussy baby from one of our child care classes from the hospital. I rolled my eyes and (literally) guffawed throughout the video, but when Owen was born, we tried it and it worked. So I bought this book, and started instituting techniques right away. And they work. So now that six months have gone by and I have recognized that this system indeed makes a difference, I am ready to teach it to Craig. Craig does not (so he says) have time to read the book, and I do believe him. He is a more thoughtful reader, and takes his time with books. In that spirit, I am providing him mini-lessons written on our chalkboard, which I intend to leave up for a week or two at a time. I am a strong believer in picking things up through osmosis.

Maybe I should just get the video instead.

giving back

2009-05-16T21:33:00.003-04:00

I am addicted to my google reader. I get so sad when I log on and no one else has updated their blogs... and my friends are VERY good about updating. In honor of my blog reading, I am going to update my blog.... EVERY DAY FOR... two weeks. Isn't that how long it takes to start a new habit? Modesty disappeared with my waistline, so I am just going to continue to assume that people are overjoyed with my reappearance on the web. But I am not promising anything really worth reading.

Two conversations I had in the car today:

M: Do you want a bottle before bed tonight? (note: he refused one at Mimsie's last night)
O: kinda no

O: Where Mr. Art? (our neighbor across the street)
M: I don't know.
O: Maybe in bathroom. Probably.

As this demonstrates what an awesome mom I am (lucky O), I would like to note that with the third trimester I have reached a new level of zen parenting. It goes like this: if there is no blood, don't bother me. That's what you get. No. (Maria Montessori would be so proud.)

crafting goodness

2009-04-14T22:41:00.004-04:00

I know you are all clambering to see what I've been up to- beyond some VERY slow-going knitting, I have started sewing for Miss Bridget, and have completed her first hand-made baby fashionista outfit. I am throwing all modesty to the wind here: It is ADORABLE, and much cuter than any picture I could take. I now understand why there are baby models. Amy Butler, I heart you.

Additionally, here is my Easter fascinator, which was way to bridal and formal to wear for Easter. Or maybe anywhere, unless I am getting married again, which is NOT happening.

a mistake that must be made....

2009-04-05T20:51:00.004-04:00

Do you ever have those ideas that are bad? Like, you KNOW they are a bad idea, but you also know that you are going to go ahead and do them anyway? I am in the midst of trying to resist, but I don't think I'm going to win this one.

For most people, this might refer to something drastic, like an affair, or dangerous, like climbing on a rolling chair to reach a stack of books on a high shelf. But for me, this almost always is about sewing something. With no time. And not enough materials. Like, for example, a new top for Easter. A new maternity top, to be exact. For which I do not have a pattern. I would have to alter a pattern. And we are leaving town in 5 days, which wouldn't normally be a problem, except that I have a toddler and a fetus, so my life isn't really my own right now. And I am eating jelly bellies, which isn't exactly related but still falls into the "I shouldn't be doing this but I am anyway because really, what does that little head in my voice know anyway?????" category.

I do, in fact, own two possible fabric combinations for this top I shouldn't make. Both have been pre-washed. I own the pattern, and have made it before with huge success, so I know the tricks. BUT I would have to alter it to fit Bridget, who is really and truly quite sticky-outy right now. And it is a halter, which may not be suited to my unruly bosom right now, and would certainly be impractical for nursing.... or would it? Might it not be the PERFECT top for nursing? See how I can convince myself? All of Owen's easter shopping is complete. All I have to do is stick the stuff in a basket and be done with it. I am not making him an outfit- I have purchased it instead.

I may have quite a bit on my plate, with all the easter goodies I am planning on preparing, and I shouldn't trash the house because I have a) possibly two book clubs to attend next week and b) possible GFSS next weekend as well.

Plus Craig asked when I was going to do laundry next, like I haven't done enough already this week. Actually, I know laundry is an on-going chore. I am just TIRED of putting it away. And if I am too tired to put a few dozen loads of laundry away, then I am too tired to sew, right?

Let's hope so. I'm going to watch "My So-Called Life" and eat more easter candy. Suck it, world.

SmallSteps for Owen, Giant Leaps for Mommykind

2008-10-15T12:03:00.002-04:00

Today, we went to the grocery store, where Owen had an inexplicable tantrum- oops, not inexplicable, I just limited the amount of yogurt drops he could eat. Forgot about that. Anyway, he had a tantrum in the frozen food aisle, and I just ignored him and calmly strode on. It was great- he only cried from frozen pizza to just past beer, which is about 10 feet. Something about having enough coffee to make me awake but also jittery and not willing to put up with it had something to do with my newfound ignoring-my-toddler success. BUT the more exciting news is that when we got home, Seasame Street had just started, and Owen sat in the rocking chair, eating goldfish while I unloaded the car. For some reason, I do not think the APA would be as excited about this as I am- but I also doubt that the doctors in the APA have ever had to unload groceries from a car by themselves. Their wives or nannies play a big part in their lives, I am sure. For me- I feel like I have a new sense of independence. It is AWESOME.

Owen has started waking up before 6:30. It shames me to complain about this, as every other mom I know has been doing this for months (years, almost) and sometimes this is even sleeping in for their children. HOWEVER- Owen used to sleep until 8:45- sometimes even 9:30. Even as a newborn he was never up before 7:15. What is causing this? Plus, now he is back to two naps a day, which I shouldn't complain about, but seems to cut into our schedule of possible fun, because he has either just woken up and is getting fed, etc., or he is getting ready to go back down. (To be fair- I just re-read this and it looks like I am getting up with Owen in the still- dark hours of the morning. I am not. Craig is. I wish Owen would sleep in more for his sake. ahem.)

Sigh.

I bought milk today that expires on the day Kim will get married. I remember buying milk that would expires after my own wedding date, and how unreal that felt. Also, buying milk that would expire after Owen's due date. It felt surreal- "by the time this milk goes bad, I will be married." (or have a baby, but he was so late the milk would have expired anyway.) I have not decided whether to share this with Kim, as a bride-to-be-bonding-moment, or refrain from telling her as it could possibly freak her out. But she might read this. Hmmm... cyber-space.

I am approaching half-way on the ninety handmade baby shower invitations for Danielle. Would really like to get those done SOON.

Migraines are back, but this time accompanying ovulation. Does not bode well for producing a second child, but I can't even be bothered to think about that right now.

okay- I'm back

2008-10-02T13:48:00.003-04:00

So SOME people have been telling me I need to start blogging again, and I do appreciate the kick in the a. I need those every now and again.

What is new in my life?

Owen is no longer taking morning naps, but is hopefully moving towards some killer afternoon naps- 1- 4 anyone?

I have discovered that a 20" pokey stix is only 10.00 on thursday nights. Bad bad bad, especially as I have recently become pescatarian in hopes of losing a few pounds. I am not finding success here.

E's thesis is done, which means that the only other things looming on my horizon are K's wedding and D's baby shower. Then Christmas. I guess that this is what is meant by "life goes on"- there is always something right around the corner.

In an effort to regain some semblance of household sanity, I am clearing out STUFF and re-organizing. God bless IKEA. Already, my living area looks much better and I have high hopes for my child growing up into a little boy who respects and participates in orderliness.

My backyard is quite possibly my favorite place to be right now, b/c Owen can play in his sandbox BY HIMSELF, theoretically leaving me free to leaf through a magazine and sip a cup of coffee. This is still more of a magazine fantasy than reality, but maybe we'll get there soon.

I may soon be reinstituting my quilting room as a place of order and productivity, as opposed to the hold-all it has become in recent months.

Not being pregnant is currently a very good thing for me. Let's see if I can keep my momentum up.

You're right- I do feel better! Yay for the Momma movement!

snap shot

2008-07-14T15:50:00.001-04:00

- GFSS is over for the month. I miss Kim and even Yuki, and I feel the let down that is felt when your life has been a crazy whirlwind. Also, this feeling is relaxing.

GRRRRRRR.. Owen is awake after having slept for 45 mintues. NOT acceptable.

The Sound of Silence

2008-06-28T12:08:00.001-04:00

Our niece is staying with us for a week. Things to know about V: she is an only child, very precocious and dangerously smart. She talks A LOT. Her parents work, among other things, in real estate, which meant that for years, she had two parents home with her virtually all the time, and she had a very charmed life. Lately, her father has been ill, and her mother has gone back to working as a home health care nurse (in addition to managing a large number of properties), which means that V has had less attention. It has done her a world of good. Because her parents have been under extreme pressure and stress, I asked if V could come stay with us for the week. She showed up on Monday (her mom forgot to let us know when she'd be coming, so we were at the grocery store) and we plunged right in.

It has been surprisingly easy to care for an eight year old and a one year old- surprisingly easy interspersed with moments of terrifying impossibility. I fell off the earth mother wagon with a vengeance, allowing her to stay up until midnight last night for a Wii Marathon, and then shoving cocoa puffs and Hawaiian punch at her for breakfast (on the run, in the car) on the way to my mother's house to let her swim for an hour before picking up and Owen and bringing him home for a nap. Of course, she had a glazed doughnut at Mom's, and asked her for another even after I said no. Mom promptly sent her home with half a box full. In an attempt to regain authority and prevent the ineveitable melt down once the sugar high wears off, I ran V a bath and gave her some water to flush out her system. She will easily stay in the bathtub for over an hour (as I learned Wednesday morning) which is FANTASTIC. I asked what she wanted for lunch today, and got the same answer I always get: watermelon. With further prompting, macaroni and cheese was added to the menu. (V has never been a fan of my cooking, so I decided to give in and just serve her kid food all week- macaroni and cheese, Stouffer's lasagna, Capri Sun juice boxes. I am about to die from lack of real food). When I asked if she would like broccoli and dip to go with her lunch, she gave me a distaining look (as only an 8-year-old can give) and said "Of course. Who wouldn't?" Well, duh.

One of my favorite conversations from this week:

To my father, who fool-heartedly asked her a GIGANTIC open ended question at the beginning of dinner:

Dad: So what have you been doing since school let out?

V: Well, I have been to horse camp. What do we do at horse camp, you might be wondering? Well, don't worry, I am going to tell you everything you might want to know. (This caused my mother and I to exchange a look of sheer panic, as we knew she meant what she said.)

A lengthy discussion of horse camp ensued, including a recap of the field trips they took- one to a puppy mill!?!?!?!?! I thought puppy mill was a derogatory term, but apparently not.

2008-06-16T21:27:00.002-04:00

Kimberlina sent me this link http://lifehacker.com/software/kids/10-ways-to-entertain-young-children-for-1-or-less-without-the-tv-283550.php
which got me started on things that have been successful for Owen this past year.

1. a package of clothespins (not the clippy kind, but the kind that are one piece and advertised to make dolls with)- this $2 will go a LONG way. Pair them with clean milk cartons (or containers with openings of various sizes) for hours of enjoyment. Well, in 20 minute increments. Just don't let kiddo chew and walk at the same time. I got mine at JoAnns.

2. Large mouth nalgene bottle- the key here is the twist off cap that is attached and not a choking hazard. I keep one in my purse with a few of the above mentioned clothes pins.

3. Laundry basket. Include a ball for extra fun.

4. Clean laundry- esp. kitchen dish towels and burp clothes. Owen "helps" fold (ie picks up pieces and runs away) but he likes to manipulate cloth. He has enjoyed playing in laundry since he was about 3 months old.

5. An unopened box of pasta.

6. Almost all plastic containers that I previously recycled have become Owen's. Try sticking toys inside clear containers (tupperware, etc.) and put the lid on. (WARNING: this can frustrate kids, but keeps Owen occupied).

7. A dishpan of water and a cup or container. (Oooh.. funnels...) Do this outside. Don't let your kid drown, and be prepared for full on bath. Owen always tries to climb in.

8. A ceiling fan for really little babies. Some people tape streamers on and turn the fan on low.

9. A book of finger games. Marthe can attest to the seemingly impossibly large number of times the "itsy bitsy spider" song can be sung in one day.

10. Old magazines or phone books or anything that can be destroyed.

ALSO: PSA to parents of toddlers:

You will be tempted to stick bags/tubes of Gerber Graduates Finger Foods in your purse. Don't. They don't stay closed, and you end up with sweet potato puff powder in your lipstick and yogurt melts in your cell phone.

Really, I am so full of unsolicited advice I could burst. Instead, I end up spewing it all over virtual strangers. And acquaintances.

Along with unsolicited advice, I am also full of questions. Please feel free to answer. Really.

My current dilemma involves sand, and how to stop Owen from eating it. Any advice is appreciated.

seriously?

2008-05-27T21:58:00.001-04:00

I just checked on Owen, fussing in his bed. Craig got him ready tonight (plus) but Owen's onesie is on BACKWARDS. Seriously? backwards? There is a tag ticking him on the throat. How hard is this?

ah, nostaglia

2008-05-26T21:03:00.002-04:00

PMS. I forgot what it's like. Apparently, it involves werewolf-like personality changes and a lot of chocolate. After almost 2 years, this is hitting me like a mac truck.

I can't wait to get pregnant again.

reason number 783 not to be vegan

2008-05-22T21:15:00.003-04:00

bacon.

even if I go full-bore vegetarian, I will never count bacon as a meat.

it is a fat unit, but not a meat unit. I learned that during pregnancy, as in "Bacon and avocado do not count as protien and vegetable. They just count as fat."

totally worth it.

reason number 782 not to be vegan

2008-05-22T21:13:00.001-04:00

Grilled havarti and granny apple sandwiches made with very thin sandwich bread.

Forgive me, Owen for eating mine and half of yours off your tray.

You were just going to feed it to Junie, anyway.

email to kimberlina

2008-05-20T22:55:00.005-04:00

This is how lazy I am: I am going to post a copy of an email to kim, b/c I am too lazy to repeat my afternoon. But the advantage is, maybe it will motivate me to take pictures tomorrow and post them, so there will be more details added to an already rambling email. Yay for blogging!

Email to kim starts here:

PLUS: I received the baby lotion- thank you so much! Owen and I are up to at least 2 baths a day now, so we are both enjoying it. We have been gardening together- seriously. It's like the cutest fucking thing in the world. So fucking cute i will have to tell you the whole story. You might want to grab some coffee.

Ok- do you have your coffee? good.

I moved a bunch of my canna lillies from the front door to the fence, in between the jasmine that we planted. (btw: super easy to grow/transplant/separate canna lillies. once they are established again/ you move into a house i will send you oodles.) We did this on saturday, while Owen stayed at my mom's for 24 hours. If I could all caps "24" I would.) So today, i decided to cover the transplanted flowers with landscaping fabric and mulch, b/c they looked like they were dying. as this is officially the first time i have EVER done yard work, I am hoping that they do NOT die. Owen played in the box that his super awesome play castle came in ( and tried to drink from the turned off sprinker, and tried to walk through the new plantings) while I did the landscape fabric ( not as cute in description as was in real life), and then we moved mulch in buckets to the fence. like, 20 trips. This process made us very thirsty, which led to a drinking from a cup incident. Thank god we were already hot- he still needs quite a bit of practice. I am also afraid that he now thinks the point of his (rather expensive) mulch playground-pit is to move the contents around the yard in buckets. hopefully, that part did not stick. After about 45 minutes of this, he turns around, walks across the yard to the back door, waits for me to open it, goes inside, grabs a nuk off the floor and little bear, and heads off to his bedroom for a nap.
wtf? my kid puts himself down for a nap? I must have been ghandi in a past life. I do not deserve this. unfortuneately, he was COVERED in dirt, so I had to actually bathe him before a nap, but it was still great. I love being his mom. He's like a sit-com baby (today, at least.)

If gardening makes babies this tired, maybe you could get moms to pay YOU to let their toddlers work on the compound. It could be profitable.....as long as they don't eat all the mulch. sad but true- babies will eat mulch if you let them.

blah blah blah- I have had an adult conversation deficit today.

Happy Wednesday (if you read this tomorrow at work!)

I am off to
a) put laundry away
b) unload the dishwasher
c) watch the Extras finale
d) eat bon bons
e) copy this to my blog, b/c I am a lazy mo-fo.

ciao!

Mimsie Friday, take 3

2008-05-16T14:16:00.003-04:00

Owen is officially celebrating Mimsie Friday for the third time-- all night! Craig and I have big plans: dinner at a new Italian restaurant in Thornebrooke, breakfast at a new place tomorrow morning... I do not see the point in doing dishes when we can enjoy being "single" again. My mother is the best.

melancholia

2008-03-20T15:04:00.002-04:00

I was commenting on mighty girl's 100 things worth doing entry (http://mightygirl.com/2008/03/18/100-things-worth-doing/) and I got weepy (inexplicably) about my plum tomato baby. After seeing my beautiful baby Owen, I understand why miscarriages happen- it must be nearly impossible to produce a healthy all put-together-correctly baby, especially on the first try. But my plum tomato baby will always be a part of my life, even though I think I thought I was over it- her? I always think of it as a her. I will never be able to truly bond with a baby in utero, which made me feel VERY guilty when I was pregnant with Owen. The guilt evaporated the moment we locked eyes for the first time, so I feel okay with that. Actually, he is the first baby I didn't try to bond with, and he is the first that stuck. So there you go. Maybe my babies just need personal space.
When I was pregnant with Owen, I waited over a week to tell my mother, 12 weeks to tell most people, and some people I never told at all. (Which incidentally led to a friend visiting unexpectedly when Owen was 2 weeks old- one of the best memories I have of those early, fuzzy sore post-partum days). To be honest, I hate people who announce pregnancies before 12 weeks, because I am so jealous of their smug joy in a baby, in a pregnancy that they are sure will last. I also hate my neighbor, who said "That's awfully early to be announcing it" with plum tomato, when Craig told her at 10 weeks. I started miscarrying that afternoon. I am convinced she is an out of work witch who stalks us, as she sits, typing endlessly on her computer as she stares out the window in her sandels from 1992, yellow toenails needing a trim.
So here is my public apology to plum tomato: I am sorry I took Motrin, possibly contributing to your demise. I am sorry you were flushed down the toilet. I am not sorry that I did not rescue you, so they could take you apart at the hospital. I think of you every day, sweet tomato.

cozy

2008-01-30T09:29:00.000-05:00

Today is such a cozy, crafty day. The kind of day for which I am grateful to be staying at home with Owen. He is napping, and I am debating which pleasurable crafting activity to partake in.

Options:
1. My new knitted headwarmer (http://knitty.com/ISSUEwinter06/PATTcalorimetry.html). I have the perfect yarn for it, and so far it seems to be going well... except that it seems inordinately long. I am hoping that it will work out, because I did not (as usual) knit a gauge swatch. We'll see. I am either knitting it for myself or Virginia. The yarn I have is perfect for this pattern, but I am not sure that it will look good on me. On the other hand, it is probably way too dorky to wear in a trendy urban environment, such as Connecticut, New York or London. (But I think the colors will suit her...)

2. The lottery block for the March guild meeting. I have chosen the "Crossing Ohio" pattern, in orange and blue, because of course I have excellent school spirit. Plus, in Gainesville, either you can use an orange and blue quilt or you know someone who would love one. I don't see how you can't win with this one!

3. Valentines. I picked up Owen's pictures yesterday, which means it is time, yet again, to cut and label an ungodly number of photos for distribution. I think this is the last time I am going to order so many, now that I know I can email the proofs out to everybody.

Or I could unload the dishwasher, but that seems less exciting. It has stopped raining, but is still really overcast. And I an totally exhausted. I drank some "pick-me-up" cocoa this morning, rumored to have as much caffeine as a cup of coffee, but obviously not a cup of coffee as I make it.

EFFF. Junie just barked and woke up the baby. GRRRRRRRRRRRR. No crafty time now. Oops.

the 60,000 calorie weekend

2008-01-21T20:59:00.000-05:00

Kim left this morning after a fantastic 2 GF (+ 2 boys) SS weekend. It was fantastic. (Did I mention that it was fantastic?) Except I am now feeling slight regret over the INSANE amount of calories consumed, 1/2 of which were from dinner at my mother's house last night (filet, lobster, plugras, italian wedding cake and a yard of reisling). I think another 1/4 of those calories were from alcohol. Very bad. Very very bad. But completely worth it. I think I am going to make a rule that calories consumed with long-distance girlfriends do not count. Yum... I keep getting flashbacks- asti, sea turtle white chocolate ice cream, 2nd street bakery brioche french toast (which practically caused me to orgasm in front of the waiter-oh my god. it was so very very good), pigs in a blanket, salmon pesto, stuffed tomatoes.

I will walk in the mall tomorrow.

Plus, I learned how to spray paint. We painted my dressing table-cabinet-thingy aqua. I think Craig lost 2 years off his life because we didn't ask his advice or do it in a planned, perfectionist way. We just did it. It feels so liberating. I want to antique it a little- maybe put a white glaze on it? I feel ready to take on anything. Pictures to follow, once I get it closer to finished.

whoo hoo!!!

2008-01-16T23:27:00.001-05:00

My apologies. I have officially become Magda, the smug married from Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason.

If you are male, or considering having children, I do not recommend you keep reading. But if you are already a mom, go for it!

I had my annual with Jane today. I decided that I should just do it around my birthday, because then I will remember to renew my car registration at the same time. (Even though Craig does that for me, after he drove to Miami lastyear in a car with a tag that was two years expired. Oops.)

Anyway, good news and bad news:
-I am offically back down to my pre-pregnancy weight. I thought I was, but it's nice to have it on the medical chart.
- I only actually gained 32 pounds while I was pregnant. (I eventually got to the point where I just closed my eyes whenever I got on the scale).
- Jane says that not only can I choose to be induced again next time, but that she recommends it at 39 weeks. Yay! I will not be pregnant forever again! Nor will I have to deal with boring pre-labor. I could be in and out in under 3 hours. SWEET.
- (Okay, I am totally going to brag here): Jane told me that she talks about me all the time, because I dealt with labor so unusually well. I feel so smugly proud. I was obviously meant to have four children.
-She told me I can stay on Implanon forever if I want to. Awesome. I could never have my period again.... well mostly.

bad news:
- her Ph.D. is done in a year, so I think she will move onto teaching and not delivering babies anymore. I am considering getting pregnant again right away, and I'm not sure how I'm going to pull it off. How am I going to have a baby without her?????????
- I have to go to physical therapy. Ewww.
-I have cabbage stuffed in my (three) sports bra(s). I have tried everything else, and this is the only thing that is working to stop producing milk. It is the first time I have been remotely comfortable in 5 days. If only I didn't smell so...cabbagey.

coffee press lamentations

2008-01-14T10:55:00.000-05:00

Today I am feeling defeated. This is probably the result of not drinking coffee until 10:45, but there you go. Laundry is covering my kitchen table, and let's face it, some of my living room furninture as well. I do not have a lime for the recipe that I was planning on making for dinner tonight. Owen has been incredibly fussy, and then had one of the most copious poopy diapers I have ever seen. After all this hard work, he happily went to bed, allowing me to make my coffee and moan electronically to the world.

Craig got up with Owen at 6:15, ran the dishwasher (even though I ran it last night... oops. I think I left the door unlatched, thus ruining our method of non-verbal-dishwasher-status communication), fed Owen breakfast, and I swear I heard the vacuum running. Where does he get the energy? Am I sure that I want four boys? Maybe I should get a better coffee maker than my french press.

Pros to the french press:
+ is tiny
+ does not take up counter space
+does not (directly) use electricity, but the electric tea kettle that I use to put hot water in the french press does.... this is a draw
+ makes me feel slightly urban and chic

Cons
- we both hate washing it (damn coffee grounds)
-it seems to require additional steps to coffee, which I can not perform unless I have already consumed said coffee
- we both REALLY hate washing it
- Since I am the only one who drinks coffee, I don't make enough to really compact the coffee grounds, which makes them difficult to throw away, so I just dump them down the drain and hope it won't clog our plumbing system. Fat chance
- It is rarely clean first thing in the morning
-have I mentioned that we really hate washing it?

I am a totally boring person.

correlation and causation

2008-01-11T21:11:00.000-05:00

I was rereading some of my previous posts, not because I am entirely self-absorbed and find myself fascinating, but mainly because I am always amazed that I managed to post at all. I was mystified to see how much I talk about cleaning and reorganizing the house. Completely baffled. I can only conclude that:

a) I really do spend more of my time cleaning than I am aware of

or

b) I get really bored when I'm cleaning and take a very importnat break to update my blog.

It has to be the latter. If it isn't, my house should look a hell of a lot better than it currently does. I finally understand the psych 101 theory about causation and correlation not equating each other. Aha.

gerbil on crack

2008-01-11T13:51:00.000-05:00

Okay- I admit that I am feeling a bit frenzied. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I am switching Owen over to formula, so I can now consume unlimited quantities of caffeine. The problem is, after over a year and a half of not consuming caffeine except in very small quantities, my tolerance is low. Instead of being really drunk after one beer (also happening, but mostly at night), I get supercharged after a medium to largish cup of coffee. This has led to "cleaning: frenzies, which do not involve actual cleaning, but rather frantic rearranging, leading to a differently (note that I do not say "better" or "more efficiently") configured home environment. Actually, what this means is that while I am putting things away, I can not remember where I put them. So far, I have lost my ipod charging-docking cord thing. Happily, I have since found it with the trivets. Obviously.

I also stored the Christmas decorations in the hall closet, on a shelf that was amazingly underutilized. Apparently, because the shelf can not hold anything heavier than batting. This is incidentally very lucky for me, because I have an excess of batting in the quilting room with no place to live. Craig seems to think that I can replace the batting in my quilting room with Christmas decorations. Silly silly man. I may also place board games on that shelf (unless they are too heavy), thus removing them from their NEW home, on an open shelf under the television in the living room. Right at Owen's level. These were placed there by Craig while I was at book club. They do make the new TV shelf look very magazine worthy, but seriously. How much of a chocking hazard are board game pieces? Craig thinks Owen will not try to access them. I think Craig is from another planet.

I am looking forward to staying home tonight and setting up the cube-ee thing we bought at Target for our kitchen. (Ha! I write that as if we might actually usually "go out" and do something fun. What I meant by "stay in" is "not run errands".) I feel that it will help get the kitchen organized (ha) and baby-proofed (ha ha). At least we will be utilizing something we bought, which will also make Craig happy.

today

2008-01-10T15:26:00.000-05:00

Dishes are piled up, waiting to be loaded into the not-yet-emptied dishwasher. Lunch fixings are scattered all over the house, both from me prepping actual food for Owen (vs. easy-lazy-mommy jar food) and then from me subsequently trying to snag questionably nutritious tidbits from the fridge while keeping Owen away from Lucy and Junie simultaneously. But why am I so happy? Because Owen is still sleeping- we are looking at an hour and a half nap, and counting!!!!

deep breath

2007-10-17T14:22:00.000-04:00

1. Owen did not sleep through the night last night. More like, slept for an hour at a time.

2. He is clammy- sweating, but cool to the touch. freaks me out.

3. It seems like as soon as I try to do something productive (ie unload dishwasher, remove bathmat that junie peed on last night from guest bathroom, brush teeth) Owen wakes up and starts SCREAMING (not his typical attitude).

4. there he goes again

5. EFFFF

New Year's Resolution Update

2007-10-16T22:45:00.000-04:00

I HAVE KEPT A NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION AND DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT.

This is almost as good as Owen sleeping through the night.

180- Farts are Funny

2007-10-16T22:35:00.000-04:00

So this is what happens when you don't post for almost a year. I am a mother. With a baby. (seemingly obvious connection, but surprisingly still a little bit shocking.) A mother whose baby is sleeping through the night- or at least, slept through last night. And I thought this day would never come.

The last thing I thought I would have time to do is blog, but as I must stay up till midnight to pump (until I can make other arrangements), I find I have lots of time on my hands, without the brainpower to do anything requiring great mental coordination.

Junie just farted. I have resigned myself to the fact that now two out of three people in my house will openly find farting funny for the rest of my life, and I give in. Sometimes, farts are funny. Ok, most of the time farts are funny. Especially chihuahua farts. (She was at the back door, ringing the bell to go out, so I will count that as an "excuse me".)

Is "fart" a socially acceptable word? What should Owen learn to call them? Why isn't there a better manual out there?

2007-01-15T09:49:00.000-05:00

Craig has left for a business trip to Ft. Lauderdale, and I have the day off for Martin Luther King Jr. Day (also known as Robert E Lee Day in some parts of Interlachen). He'll be gone for two days, and that leaves me with a whole day to myself. I used to see these days as an open day for quilting, but lately I have become obsessed with cleaning and organizing the house. I've been trying so hard to stay calm during this period of flux, where i can't even find the kitchen table, but I will admit it has been very difficult. It never used to bother me if the house was messy, now, I'm completely OCD about it. I have been cleaning the crumb tray of the toaster oven, for god's sake. (Keep in mind, this is all relative- other clean freaks would probably still find my house gross).

I am anxious to find out the results of my second ultrasound on Thursday. We'll know for sure whether it is Owen or Bridget, and even though the 12 week ultrasound was pointing pretty conclusively to Owen, I'm almost at a last ditch push for a Bridget. This is all due to the ease of decorating for boy vs girl, of course. I have no control over anything else, so I am very focused on decorating, which I can decide.

What I am more anxious to see, though, is whether the baby is alive and well. I know it seems ridiculous, but I want to see that baby move. I was unclear as to whether I had felt the baby move or not, because so many of my internal organs are pushed all out of the way and squished up- everything feels like gas. There are moments, especially when I am just waking up, or have eaten and am sitting still, that I feel something that must be the baby. A little flip, or what feels like a single heart beat in my lower abdomen, or a tiny pop-thump. Craig was holding me in his arms while I was sleeping one morning, and he swears he felt a flutter. I believe him, and this assertion has been the only thing getting me through the past week. I also know, though, that the baby must be growing, because my ab muscles are stretching again, which means a grwoth spurt is on the way. My belly button is totally stretching out, too. Yesterday, there was a hard ridge at the top, where the skin was streched to what felt like a breaking point. I cocoa buttered the hell out of it, and today it is soft and flexible again, but I think a little shallower.

I have finished the back of the navy blue baby sweater that I'm making, and hope to start on the front tomorrow. Today, I want to finish bedding laundry, clean the guest room, make the beds, and get the house and my quilting room totally spic and span for this weekend- GFSS!!!!!!!

Hmmm

2007-01-14T19:46:00.000-05:00

Well, was re-reading my last post, and noticed that I was bitching about my really bad cramps. I must remember that I no longer have really bad cramps. Those cramps were (is) a baby. A baby. A baby inside my (now moderately large) stomach. I was 20 weeks along on Friday, which means that I am now officially more than half way there. Yay!

Okay, enough catching up. Here's my life now.

New Years Resolution:
1. Keep up weekend cleaning routine. I've done all the laundry in the house and changed the sheets for two Saturdays in a row.

That's it. I figure having a baby will be enough to worry about in the coming year.

Craig and I are making major progress on the house. He has been moving along with home renovations (including my long-anticipated hole in the wall between the kitchen and living room, plus a pantry next to the laundry room) at an amazing pace. I am also very impressed with his workmanship. I have been re-organizing, unpacking, re-arranging, and generally cleaning and sorting the rest of the house. The biggest problem encountered so far is realizing that cutting a hole in thw wall allows you to see what is going on in the living room while you are in the kitchen, but also leaves the kitchen open to viewing from the living room. Drat. Have subsequently undertaken major kitchen cabinet reorganization and counter top clearing, along with becoming Nazi about loading dishwasher. I have lots of lovely pictures to post, but no will power to get them off the digital camera and onto the computer.

Am on a mission to find cake. Find cake and then go to sleep, either on the couch or in bed.

la la la la la

2006-10-06T10:41:00.000-04:00

I have today off! Hooray! Hooray for homecoming! I love love love love love having a day off every now and then. Especially when it is considered a "holiday" by UF. SWEET.

Okay, I will attempt to control my ecstatic gloating over a beautiful morning at home in my pjs. (How strange that the word "static" is in "ecstatic"...)

I have found a most beautiful link for all those knitters out there who have gauge problems, as I do:

http://www.thedietdiary.com/knittingfiend/OrderForms/conversion%20pages/ConversionPage.html

It seems to be helpful, but all I am knitting right now is a keyboard cover, so it isn't a crucial as if I were knitting, for example, a fisherman knit sweater.

My previous posts still have not posted. WHY?????????

I am dreading going to the will-call box today at two. the line will be INSANE. I'm making Craig go with me, as we are going to Gator Growl with his friends.

Even though I am relishing a day off, the truth is that working is very very good for me. Time flies, and I have little to no spare time or energy left to worry.

Ha ha ha ha- I love monrings where I don't have to shower if I don't want to. Ewwww... i'm going to sew dirty. (I feel like a maniacal 3 year old.) must shower before Craig comes home at noon. Hmmmm.. I'm going to have spaghetti and calamari for breakfast. yummy.

grrrrrrrrrr

2006-10-01T04:49:00.000-04:00

Okay- so I have republished MULTIPLE times, and my second post of last night and my revisions to previous posts are not there.

grrrrrrrr.

I can't sleep (cramps!), and can't decide if it is worth it to try and go back to bed, or stay up for the long haul. I have to go to Wallis's bridal shower today, and I just realized that it's themed, and my gift is supposed to start with an "M",as is my piece of advice to her. Oops. I got her a bowl and a doggie- treat jar (both from her registry). Crap. I'll have to come up with something cute to say. I have also decided, while in the gift bag aisle at Target, that I will no longer buy wedding, etc. gifts that are not either soft (towels, blankets, etc.) or pre-packaged. These two very heavy ceramic gifts will not truly make it safely into a gift bag, but I will valiently try.

We watched the first disc of season 2 of The Office (American Version). It is much more sanitized, less painfully embarrassing than the British version. I feel less guilty watching it, but still like the original best.

We also attended the Gator game against Alabama yesterday. It is truly a totally guilty pleasure that I love going to the games. (All my girlfriends are cringing right now, but alas, ladies, it is true.) [Junie just discovered that I'm awake, and is overjoyed with the thought that she might get breakfast 2 hours early. In her anticipation, she has left tongue marks all over the computer.] I love the excitement of being in a crowd of 90,000+ people, who are all cheering for the same thing. I love how friendly (albeit totally trashed) all the tailgaters are, and I loke how small town it makes Gainesville feel. It's funny, because when I was in college, I hated football games, and the way campus and the entire town was completely taken over. Eventually I sucumbed to the "if you can't beat 'em" mentality. Working on campus really contributes to my love of Gator sports. When you see players in a normal environment (Chick-fil-a, etc.), it is shocking how young (!) they are, and you have to respect the amazing talent they have and the pressures that they have to withstand.

groan graon groan groan groan.

my period is going to totally kick my ass this month.

hmmm... 5 am..... maybe I'll go sew???? Junie has realized she isn't going to get breakfast, and has gone back to bed to sleep with Craig.

goal: 2 table runners, 1 table square form the pumpkin jacquard I bought at Joann's on Friday. I am training Craig to believe that money spent on projects that actually get finished doesn't count.

???

2006-09-30T01:14:00.000-04:00

Was just re-reading blogs- does anyone know why I resolved not to get pregnant this year?

ta da!

2006-09-30T00:37:00.000-04:00

So I could spend hours catching people up on what's been going on since I last posted, but I'll just do a quick bulleted list and then jump right in.

The inter-office easter egg hunts were FANTASTIC. (As it is now officially 9/30/06, I must say that one of my co-workers found an egg YESTERDAY. I'll go easier on them next year)
As we were preparing the first ever annual Gulledge Easter Eve Peep Roast in Bradenton (Rebel had the washing machine tub on cinder blocks hot and ready to go, (without pressure-treated wood, in the fire, I am grateful to relate)) my mother called with news that my grandfather had died suddenly. I was so angry (and now I feel guilty and selfish for feeling angry and resentful and a toatl bitch for admitting this), because I had been focusing all my energies on the Gulledge side of the family, and Pa was perfectly healthy. He just dropped dead of a sudden heart attack. I still feel his loss every single day. I let Henry book our flights out to Wyoming, which involved traveling for over 22 hours each way, and sleeping in an airport on the way out. ALWAYS rent a hotel, even for a 6 hour middle of the night layover. Sleeping on the ground in a terminal- not cool. However, even though the circumstances were less than ideal, we had a very fun brother-sister-road-trip-by-air experience. The little bit of my grandfather that remains resides in my underwear drawer. I know this seems sacreligous to some people (and strangley perverted to others) but ever since I was a little girl the underwear drawer has seems sacred to me- like the most private place in the house. I think this originated from the belief that if I had $5 (a great sum to an elementary schooler in 1988) and I hid it in my underwear drawer, robbers would be too embarrased my by Hello Kitty panties to delve further, and would turn away from delicacy. Even though my blue house was broken into and nothing BUT my underwear was stolen, I admit that the "underwear drawer as sacred private place" mentality has remained. Plus, I had to put him somewhere, and Craig was tired of having lunch with him while I left him on the kitchen table. I know I sound flippant, but I am comforted to have him so near. Okay flippant is not the word- morbid is.
Craig has completed the patio addition he started in May (pictures will have to follow for all that I am talking about). It is amazing, and he did a great job planning it. I can't wait to turn it into a Better Homes and Gardens Spread. (Yeah right- l'm not holding my breath)
We have a pumpkin growing. The pumpkin patch was the size of 2 minivans, and was overtaking the back half of the yard, but while spraying the leaves with soapy water to get rid of the bigs (not as recommended in our Organic Vegetable Gardening class) he killed all the leaves, and we have only one pumpkin. I am convinced, however, that it will become the biggest pumpkin ever if we put a wick into it and a bowl of sugar water.
We went to NYC for Haley's wedding, and had an absolutely fantabulous time. I loved it, but was ready to come home. Flying is much easier after I discovered that they sell alcohol on planes.
I have started selling for a direct sales company, and really hate it. I have to get out, but earning $70 here and there make it hard to give it up. I just don't give it much time.
I have finished two projects tonight: the real reason this post is called "ta da"! My orange sleeveless sweater, purchased with yarn bought at Wild Fibre in Savannah (probably my all time favorite yarn store ever) is finished, although I am not really pleased with my finishing techniques and will have to get used to the length. It is shorter than I thought it would be, which I hope will come into style soon?!?!?!?, but overall I am pleased with it. I am pretty darn sure I will wear, though I dread people asking me if I made it myself. My goal is to have people aske where I purchased something that I made. (The difference between homemade and handmade is something I am very concious of). I also finished my halter top, which I started on Monday!!!! I will wear it to the game tomorrow, and am pleased and surprised that of all thing, football season has motivated me to be crafty and "complete". Crazy

Okay- one of the reasons I don't blog is that I always end up on the computer until 1 in the morning. This silly thing needs to rebuilt soon, as Craig keeps reminding me and the compaq reminds me as well with frequent crashes.

Currently Reading:

Nectar in a Sieve (one chapter left to go- it's crap)
The French Leutenient's Woman by John Knowles (?) (BOT)- engrossing at times, makes me want to reread Tennyson, which I'm not even sure I properly read in college. Too self-reflexive to be really enjoyable and escapist
Love in the Time of Cholera- again. I love it. I must say that having read it as a married woman, it reads much differently than the first few times. At one point, The Narrator points out that Fermina and the doctor can survive what adultory does to their marriage, but are almost ripped apart by the small annoyances of marriage- waking each other up in the morning, not replacing the soap in the bathroom. Amen to that.

Cream Eggs and the Great Pumpkin

2006-04-12T22:34:00.000-04:00

No more news on Carolyn that is necessarily encouraging. She is at home now, waiting for her biopsy results. Robyn said that the plan is to treat it aggressively, which surprised me. I would have thought that Hospice was going to be the solution, but I have a grudging admiration for her willingness to fight such a hopeless battle. I doubt that I would be that strong.

I have been so tired today, so absolutely overwhelmed by the routine of daily living. Other people seem so resigned to the endless cycle of cooking, eating, cleaning, just to go to bed and do it all over again. I know that I should be grateful to be a part of this, but I am still perplexed. Is this what I am supposed to do?

We did, however, come up with a fun Easter plan for our coworkers. I had jokingly told Craig that we were having an Easter Egg Hunt at the office on Friday, and then we decided that an Easter Egg Hunt is just what everyone needs. So we went to Publix and bought an basket full of Easter candy, and I have spent the evening stuffing eggs. We are going to sneak into the office after hours tomorrow and hide them. I heart easter eggs! I am, however, over full size cadbury cream eggs. I love the mini ones- they are just right. The big ones, however, are just too much for me to handle. I got a cup of coffee and relived my first coffee/cadbury cream egg experience (8th grade year book trip to Birmingham, Alabama- Elizabeth Batich, roller skating, dress up and Beck's new Loser CD- or was it a cassette? I don't even remember). It wasn't the same.

Craig's Easter Comment (aka why I have to raise my kids Catholic):
"On Easter Sunday Jesus will rise again! "

Criag is the only person who gets Jesus and the Great Pumpkin confused. (Then again, Jesus doesn't really rise again, right? Or not until the second coming... which I can never say with a straight face. Extremely childish, I know. But it still makes me snicker.) Not only am I going to hell, apparently I'm going to have to ask for directions.

What I'm reading: If You Could See Me Now, by Celia Ahern. 2 stars, listening to it on tape during housework. At the gym, I 'm listening to Olivia Joules and the Overactive Imagination, by Helen Fielding. 3 stars, 2nd listening.

thick air

2006-04-10T23:52:00.000-04:00

Craig's grandmother is sick. Very sick. When I came home from GFSS Tampa on Sunday, he told me that they found cancer in her lung, and in her liver. She had a double masectomy when we were freshmen in college, but now I learn that the cancer has come back- in her breasts, in her bones, in her brain.

I am frustrated and feeling lost, becuase I do not know how to help my husband deal with the grief that he doesn't even know he is going to feel. How is Rebel going to deal with this? How is Robert going to survive without Carolyn? There is talk of treatment, but I honestly can't see how chemotheraphy and the accompanying discomfort and pain would be worth a few extra months. That may be heartless, but if I learned anything from my grandfather's illness, it is that we have to let people go- you can not live forever, nor would you want to.

Roy is not doing well either, and the thick pain that is hanging over the Gulledge family like a cloud is suffocating. I feel like the sky is about to open up on us all, and I can see the storm coming, I feel it raise the hairs on the back of my neck, but I am helpless to prevent it, and helpless to protect the family I have grown to love as an extension of my own.

resolutions and a mini-update

2006-01-02T08:33:00.000-05:00

stop smoking

(Fantastic progress already, especially considering that I don't smoke. But I always like to start off a list with something that I can cross off, like "make a list". It makes the rest of the list seems more achievable.)

2. be on time

(I am listening to "The Girl's Guide to Hunting and Fishing", in which an old man tells his young(er) lover that she shouldn't be late, it makes people feel like they can't depend on you. I have already been late to my father's birthday dinner yesterday, which was unfathomably held at one o'clock. Then I found out it was held just after breakfast so my brother's girlfriend could get home before dark. Therefore, I have not only already broken my own resolution, but possibly other people's as well.)

3. be groomed

(Actually just a thinly veiled excuse to let loose my inner sorority girl with a credit card, maintaining my acrylic nails, eyebrows, closet, shoe fetish, etc.)

4. NOT GET PREGNANT (this year)

5. be gainfully employed all year long. Same job would be nice, but is not neccessarily a requirement.

(Actually, I have this strange desire to work in one job for five years (gasp!). It would make me feel more like an adult).

6. do less more better

(Who am I kidding? I always resolve to do less things, but do those things that I do better. I resolve this on a daily basis.)

7. say no more often

8. do more nice things for Craig

(Again, a resolution we've seen before, my friends.)

************************************************************************************

Mini- Update

I have a job (hooray!) working in personnel. That's all I can say online, or they'd have to kill me. I worked one week, then had a week and a day off, and I go back tomorrow. My marriage is WONDERFUL now that I'm working again, and stress levels are down. However, I totally forgot how on earth people work all day and then get anything done at night. It is mind boggling.

Not what I would have expected

2005-12-09T00:46:00.000-05:00

Can you tell that I need to go to bed?

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7.2
Mind:	6.5
Body:	8.6
Spirit:	4.8
Friends/Family:	6.2
Love:	7.3
Finance:	6.8
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

renewed addictions

2005-12-08T16:30:00.000-05:00

My day has been shamefully spent. Well, mostly. I was up and out of bed by 8, to make the most of my day. And people, it was raining. You know how hard it is to get moving when it is raining. So, I called Julie F, and we arranged to have coffee at her house at 11. Yay! I forced myself to do a load of laundry first. Then I somehow got sucked into knitty.com. It is incredible, and made me want to ecaspe to a cold desert island to knit ALL THE TIME. So I searched for patterns to knit the lovely yarn I bought in Savannah. C said not to buy any more yarn until I produce something. Anything. He has a fair point, I hate to admit.

**The thing that drives Craig the craziest is that I knit something, maybe for hours, maybe for days, and then unravel it. I usually drop a stitch, and since I don't know how to fix it, it is just quicker and easier for me to unravel it and start over. For me, knitting is SO much more about the process rather than the product. However, that gives me no good reason to purchase all of the beautiful yarn I feel compelled to bring home with me, so I really have to try and discipline myself to finish projects, even if it is just an effing scarf. But I get so bored with just an effing scarf. (Would I prefer a gee-ing scarf instead? an ay-ching scarf? Please ignore that. I am completely retarded, and should be in bed sleeping. It is still raining. Delicious.)

I ended up not doing anything productive, had a really bad hair day because I chose not to do my hair carefully, and made it to Julie's house on time. (Good job! I am working on my punctuality, and feel the ridiculous need to praise myself for something that most people my age have had mastered for years.) I had a wonderful time with her. I realized that

1) Julie is a kindred spirit, and they are very, very rare in this world.

2) fate is a strange and funny thing.

3) I really really like hawaiian pizza from dominos. Craig was right. Damn!

4) I have an enduring love affair with fiber. Be it woven, mashed into pulp and flattened, or spun, I am a sucker for fiber and what you can do with it.

5) There are artists lurking within us, but my inner artist needs balance. I don't thrive in a space where I can do anything, branch out into any kind of creativity. I need my time to be structured, I need left brain activity to provide a counterpoint to my right brained creativity. I need boundaries to grow, or I am easily overwhemed by possibility.

Not bad for a thursday!

*Note- I am going to do my best to restructure some aspects of my blog, plus try to figure out spell check.

why

2005-12-07T17:53:00.000-05:00

am I craving bacon, buttered toast, fried eggs, and chocolate???

all at the same time????

interview

2005-12-07T11:17:00.000-05:00

Hooray! Virginia finally posted, but alerted me to the fact that I have not previously allowed anonymous posts on this blog. I have figured out how to change that, so post way, my loyal readers! (I am sure that now my blog will be submerged with posting from my very loyal constituency of five, or two, or whatever.)

Okay, so here is how my interview went.

I left my house an HOUR early. I live 7 miles away. I unwittingly drove through a construction zone on my way over ( 10 miles an hour), then found parking without difficulty, thanks to my father's glorious parking permit. I walked over to McCarty D, getting strange looks all the way- I guess I didn't wear heels and hose too much as a student myself. (Or maybe I had a giant piece of toilet paper stuck to my shoe that I didn't notice. Or maybe... whatever. It is over now.) I then became lost, because I couldn't find what I was looking for- an ivy covered wall. I called charlotte to get directions, and she had to send someone down to rescue me.

that wasn't great.

The interview went rather smoothly, once we stopped talking about quilting and started talking about the job. However, I had an incredibly difficult time keeping a straight face. It could have been a scene from "The Office", with a talking head. I don't think that it was because Charlotte was ridiculous, or over the top, or anything like that. It's just that "The Office" does such a great job satirizing actual work situations- I probably seemed like David during interviews, or during firings, when I worked at the shop. I am really eager to be a part of it. There is something nice about a cozy little office , where you go in, do work, and come home. I would love being able to complain about work, look forward to Fridays, have more structure in my life. I would love a paycheck. God, would I love a paycheck. Holy Jesus, I would LOVE a paycheck.

2 more interviews to go.

So what's going to happen with juniper jane? I think that I will keep it up. If I have to , I will send work out, which in some ways is totally ridiculous. Or I'll see what I can squeeze in at night. But there is also something appealing about the idea of sewing for myself, working on projects for pleasure. I have great plans for a fantastic coat. All I need now are the materials and some time. Maybe I could get it done for the first day of work....fingers crossed... or at least I'll wear it to sub.

Time to clean the kitchen, and call Henry an wish him a happy birthday.

two windows

2005-12-02T16:18:00.000-05:00

I have had an insane 48 hours. insane. I have been wandering this earth, self/unemployed for six months. nothing great has happened. every cent, and then some, of what juniper jane has brought in has gone right back into my lovely, adorable, moderately popular but bank account draining business. my husband has been patient, I have designed really cute things for babies we don't have. THEN:

I apply to be a substitute teacher in alachua county. my references do not all arrive at their destinations, so I have to wait and send out more applications.

I sign up for a class, and do not complete my first assignment by the self-imposed deadline. bad beginnings.

I wake up thoroughly depressed. So depressed I actually call my husband at work to complain. I wear my ugliest clothing, but at least I shower.

i do the first half of my homework.

Craig comes home to cook me soup for lunch, and hands me a letter. it is the alachua county school board, telling me to come in for sub orientation. hooray! thank you, references!!!!

I am eating soup, reading the letter over and over, when the phone rings. It is the principal of an elementary school where my two best teacher friends- the julies- are teaching fourth grade together. she offers me a long term sub job on the spot to teach 4th grade with the julies. i love how putnam county sems to have unlimited, sight-unseen-someone said good things about you- faith in me.

i am floored.

i go to the school, start planning lessons on the way home, and then sit down, do some math, and realize that i can't afford to teach 4th grade for $9.67 an hour, in another county that is 35 minutes away.

i am sad.

i think and think and think, then resign myself to it.

i go to bed, then get up early and go to Mary's classroom to help out. WHAT FUN! i see how great it could be, to teach elementary school. the kids are ten thousand times sweeter, and they really care what you say and think. they want to be good.

i come home, take an deep breath, and then turn down the position at melrose. i promptly freak out. WHY DID I TURN DOWN A JOB????????

i eat lunch, then go to get fingerprinted. the machine is down. i promise to come back after orientation on monday, then do a good deed and go to the social security office to get my named changed.

i guess it was time.

i wait. i wait. i wait.

the phone rings. it is one of my former quilting students- does she want a private lesson?

no- she wants to interview me for a job i applied for months ago!!!!!! at uf!!!!!!! making twice as much as subbing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

am i interested?

yes, please.

i have an interview tuesday, and even if that doesn't work out, i will start subbing.

meaghan is moving into the world of the wage earners.

junie the healing dog

2005-11-16T11:28:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, Lucy was spayed. I HATE taking animals in for surgery- thank goodness this is a onetime deal. When Junie was spayed, she just looked really pathetic from the

anesthesia, and she slept LOTS. Not Lucy. She was pissed because she didn't get breakfast, and she literally whined and moaned for hours last night. I don't blame her, but she was breaking my heart. To make things worse, she was licking at the incision, so we had to put a tube sock around her middle so it was inaccessible.

Of course, she was then teased for being a slut in a tube top. We are sooo mean.

Now, there has always been talk of how Junie is a healing dog, because someone told me a story about a Chihuahua who removed splinters from her owner's fingers. So when Dad had knee surgery and Junie lay on his knee, we all thought it was hilarious. When she cuddled on my tummy after the miscarriage, I was touched. However, we now have definitive proof: I was going to make a phone call this morning, and I thought I should check on Lucy to see how she was doing. This is what I found:

Are my girls not the most adorable creatures in the world? I can't believe them. (I also know what a dork I am to be publishing pictures of my pets online, but they are my babies right now and I'm not ashamed!) From this evidence, I can only assume that

a) Junie is truly a healing dog

and

b) she really isn't super traumatized by Lucy's entrance into our family. I think they may secretly even love each other.

yum

2005-11-10T13:06:00.000-05:00

lunch today:

toasted baguette (from 3 days ago- doesn't sound good, but baguettes are better when they are super crusty)
spread with rondele cheese
topped with roasted chicken

hot damn, leftovers aren't the devil after all!

Savannah

2005-11-09T09:08:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago, we had an absolutely glorious weekend in Savannah. Ryan's apartment is lovely, and the historic distric is beautiful beyond words. I was overwhelmed by how much it reminded of Florence, and somehow it hinted that I could live a different kind of life. One where I walked my dog, and sat in parks, and created beautiful things, while living in a historic home that was covered with ivy.
Sometimes it doesn't seem fair that we only have one life, just one shot. There are so many things that I want to do, and yet they aren't compatible at all. I want children and lots of pets and a quilting room and a yard and barbeques and family close by. I also want to live in an area where you can walk to everything, getting skinny while eating incredible food. I want an office job, where you put on heels and go to work for 8 hours and then leave it there and come home. I want to be a designer, I want to be a libriarian, I want to be a reading coach, I want to be a bed tester. It's like there are five different people living inside me, and they are fighting to escape and show themselves. Maybe none of those things will make me happy. Maybe I am just restless. Who knows? Why is it that other people seem to have it together? Do they, or does it just look that way from the outside?

On another note: what I ate-
Pasta Lorraine (with chicken added) at Firefly Cafe
fettucini
goat cheese
caramelized red onions
(pan) fried leeks
roasted red pepper
portabella mushrooms

Pork Plate at Sweet Leaf
pulled pork
deviled eggs
corn pudding
mac n cheese

Thank god... October is over

2005-11-01T16:13:00.000-05:00

I truly understand why November 1st is All Saint's Day. October has been the month from hell. I feel like I haven't stopped to recover my breath once since September. There has been the stress of Halloween costumes, guests and hurricanes galore, traveling, pms, teaching, resigning, job hunting.... and I truly believe that The Holiday Season is going to be easier. Ask me if I agree in January.

There is no juicy gossip to report from my life, but I promise to take some time to post sometime before this week is up. Bear with me, my friends.

math

2005-10-22T17:29:00.000-04:00

plus

i am finished with rapunzel and power ranger- finally! (and only because my mom helped me with power ranger- she is so talented. she just sits there and practically completes a jumpsuit while i thread my serger. i sew soooooooooooo slowly sometimes. but then again, i am learning new patterns, so i do have a learning curve. i've got time to catch up).

i have a website, and lots of people are looking at my work. wow. the internet is one powerful ... thing.

i don't have any cavities

craig just made some yummy iced tea

we should have a rainy day for yellow brick road class tomorrow, but not a hurricane (yet)

junie is housebroken (???)

lucy now climbs out of trees, as well as up them

minus

working with pleather is like trying to do origami with saran wrap

i have to have all four wisdom teeth removed

i have to get braces (at 25!?!?)

i am breaking out horribly- aha! maybe instead of thirteen going on thirty, i am almost thirty going on thirteen

i haven't gotten a single call regarding my job applications. these are jobs as receptionists. not rocket scientists. you'd think that all the time i've spent on the phone in my entire life should count for something.

all in all, it looks like maybe my life is more plus than minus. i'm not complaining!

juniper jane style

2005-10-20T22:31:00.000-04:00

I am so pleased to announce that I have an actual website for my products!!!!!!!! Yippeee!!!! Actually, it's just a blog.... but at least my stuff is out there to be seen.

Let me know what you think!

www.juniperjanestyle.blogspot.com

I have also started getting an insane amount of spam, even the first half hour I was on-line. wow. do I smell that naive?????

In other news, I am in halloween costumes up to my ears. Thank god November first is right around the corner.

I have a dentist appointment tomorrow, so I'm about to go eat a s'more before bed. (I'm not kidding...)

grey day

2005-10-13T13:39:00.000-04:00

For the past couple days, Gainesville has not seen sunshine. It's a soft cool grey outside, and I like it. It almost matches my mood- but maybe my mood is more hurricane and overcast. I am frustrated by teaching, depressed about being home alone all day, and REALLY tempted by the thought of a salaried job. I know that teaching is salaried, but it just doesn't seem worth it. Am I a job snob? (Absolutely). However, I don't think that having high standards is a problem. I have never been good at settling, and if I am going to spend 40+ hours a week doing something, shouldn't it be something worthwhile, something you can be passionate about? Kim Dunkle says good luck. Maybe I'll try to get passionate about answer phones or filing.

I am up to my ears in Halloween costumes- rapunzel, power ranger, lion, skunk. Maybe Captain Hook and Peter Pan too. It is satisfying to do costumes. There is no perfection involved, and there is a definite finished product.

I have discovered ebay, and the fact that you can order fabric on it. Wow. What a great country, right? (let's ignore the fact that I am currently bidding on no longer printed fabric for 12+ a yard, that retailed originally for 8.50. supply and demand at work.)

I was thinking about trying to find some chocolate, but I don't think that there is any chocolate strong enough for my mood.

currently reading: Charlotte, by Julia Barrett (recreation of an old Austen manuscript- supposedly)

Back to the Bedroom, by Janet Evanovich (crappppp romance, on cd. the plot is sooooooooo predictable, and I'm only on -CRAP. Craig turned my cd player off. now I've got to find my place. At least it's so painfuly banal that I can read a pattern while listening to it. Ha! "It had nothing to do with the fact that her complexion was flawless". )

Update Installment 1

2005-10-12T17:26:00.000-04:00

July, 2003

I married Craig and we had a lovely and very large wedding. It was the wedding my mother had always dreamed of. (I can't even dream that big). Even though we had a fantastic time, I was completely overwhelmed. Not in a bad way, but in a "I didn't know that we knew so many people and they are all watching us" kind of way. I have to admit, the very best parts were the actual ceremony (like the "as long as we both shall live" part), and the few moments I could steal alone with Craig. However, I have to send a HUGE "Thank you, you are the best, most wonderful people" hug to everyone who helped, drove in from out of state, flew in from foreign countries, planned, arranged, wore awful dresses, had their hair mangled and put up with me (at my worst). I never knew how well loved we were until we got married. Thank you. I can never say it enough.

I do not understand how people get married twice. One wedding was lovely, and more than enough for me.

Craig and I moved into a little townhouse near the university. We paid a very low rent while he finished school and I continued to teach at Interlachen High School. We (and Kim, Virginia, Henry????) painted khaki, pink and magenta stripes on the dining room wall. (Actually, I just chose the colors.) I painted solid walls and later was chastised for for my sloppy work. Craig will never let me paint again. (Who won THAT one??????) The entry way was painted magenta. I loved it, but Craig never brought people over for the first 4 months that we lived together. (I tried to bake cookies for him everytime he did bring someone over, to show that there are compensations for being married to a crazy decorator).

We finally got a little dog... well, we got Junie. She is a chihuahua, so she is neither dog nor cat. She is a pet. I didn't want a dog (read: hair, slobber, tail that knocks things over), and I really wanted a puppy. Chihuahuas are actually perpetually puppies- or at least they look that way. Because it wasn't a good idea to have a baby 5 months into marriage, we got a pet instead and she has been babied and spoiled- but not by me alone!!!!!! (ask ANYONE.) I know we'll regret this, but in her defense, she doesn't bite or act aggressively, like some chihuahuas. She's just a barking spaz ball, but we can't have everything in life.

Craig graduated with his mechanical engineering job in April, and was hired the day he walked by Terra- Com, and environmental engineering company run by Mormons. For the sake of being PC, I won't say anything else. I left Interlachen to work as the manager of My Favorite Quilt Shop, a job I literally walked into. It was my dream job, and I was VERY happy. I liked Interlachen, I liked teaching reading, but I didn't like the paperwork involved and I couldn't stand the drive.

We started loking for a house just before Craig graduated, and fate brought us to a little house in a nice neighborhood that my boss's friend was selling. I was shocked when he accepted our offer. Plus, we got to choose the paint color, so I picked minty-light green with white trim and a hot pink front door. (My neighbors hated me before we moved in!) I have recently dubbed our home "Flamingo Cottage". Plastic yard flamingos are on my Christmas list. I'm not kidding.

Okay- I have given in to my husband's dream date idea, and am headed off to Hungry Howie's All You Can Eat Pizza Buffet. I can't believe I just admitted that.

I deserve my reputation

2005-10-12T14:57:00.000-04:00

If you're reading this, you are someone who knows that technology and I are not the best of friends. Okay, let me rephrase that- returning messages/checking messages/remembering my password/remembering my email address - I am not known for any of these things. However, I have turned over a new leaf, and am doing my best to be a responsible correspondant. This blog is intended to keep me current, keep me using the world wide web, remind me to check my email, etc. etc. etc. It's also here so if I fall off the wagon, at least you'll
a.) be able to see what current drama I have embroiled myself in/created
b.) be able to spy on me without me even knowing it, thus keeping up to date with me and still punishing me by not letting me know you care...
(But you don't really want to punish me, do you? Post me a comment and guilt me into sending you a nice fat personal email.)

Truly, people, let's be honest here. We are all very busy individuals. I make negative $5 an hour, and I still manage to be very busy. You all have jobs, go to school, and lead full and varied social lives. Do you have time to write out the details of your weekend to every friend you have? Of course not! No one does. So here's my proposal- if you want to know all the details of my day to day dramas, read this blog. That way, I don't feel like I have pressured you to read pages of hyperbole, and you can read at your leisure. You can always ask ask for the really juicy details if you want more. There is also no pressure to write me back a nice long email, because you might be to busy at the moment. I lose touch with a lot of people, and it makes me sad. I miss you all, and I think about you more than you know. If you had blogs and sent me the address, I would read them every day. (Hey- there's an idea...) Anyway, the point is that there can be weirdness if I email you , and you email me, and then I forget to email you back... for 3 months.... then I feel weird about emailing you, and it just compounds into this huge weird ...thing. And I am tired of that. So here it is- I am here, in the vagueness that is cyberspace. If I have lost touch with you, post a response, or email me a short message, and I will write you a big juicy email back. It is no pressure!!!! The one thing you learn about living in Gainesville is that everybody moves away. So let's stay in touch, and please pretty please allow me to redeem myself. I am worth it! (I hope!)